Born into bad news
by Tsvety
Summary: To punish Casey, Nesbitt's gone after his emotionally and physically hurt best friend. While Kelly and Matt are fighting for their lives, Erin's having a hard time coping with Nadia's death. Would she find the strength to save the man she still loves? Would they help each other get through the events of the past year? Would Kelly's friendship with Casey survive? KELLY-CENTRIC!
1. The worst day of the year

Hello everyone and thanks for reading! So ever since the finales of Chicago Fire and PD this spring, I've been having this idea of how Kelly and Erin could help each other deal with things. In my opinion (strictly mine, I do respect people who'd be thinking otherwise), Kelly's been lonely ever since losing Shay, with friends leaving him, and Matt's not very nice comments in the last two episodes just added salt into the wound. So this is my idea of how Casey's side job - Jack Nesbitt, and the events from the finale could lead to Kelly and Erin crossing paths again, and...well something more. This is a Kelly-centric, Matt-friendship, Lindsay - love, hurt/angst/friendship fic with a very hurt Erin, and a hurt Casey (yes, lots of hurt). Lots of friendships and other -ships would have to be fixed. There will be some Dawson-being-present scenes because of Matt mainly, but this isn't and would never be a Dawsey story. I'll be updating once a week. So I really hope you do enjoy this, and thanks for reading! :)

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 _ **Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own the title, any of the characters or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

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 **Chapter 1**

 **The worst day of the year**

"Yeah…have a good night." Kelly muttered to the taxi driver before he got out. He'd only had two beers at Molly's…he couldn't be drunk…he had been feeling okay during most of the night, given that he had been nearly cooked inside a burning building with Dawson earlier that day…but the entire world was spinning around in front of his eyes, a throbbing headache not leaving him, breathing now requiring too much effort…

All he wanted was a hot shower and a good night's sleep…then he would talk things through with Casey. They had said things they shouldn't have, but if the blonde lieutenant still blamed him for Darden's death, then…

Kelly shook off the thoughts, his mind already preoccupied with memories of her…of his girl…of Shay…of him and Shay a year earlier, before…before a sick bastard had taken her life... The worst day of his life…and that was the night before the one-year anniversary of the worst day of his life...

Severide found the apartment door unlocked, his foggy mind assuming Casey had already come home, forgetting to lock it…yes, he realized that side job had been draining all the energy Truck's lieutenant had, exhausting him to a point where he hadn't had the strength to make it to his bedroom last time, opting for a few hours rest on the couch instead.

"What - ?" He closed his eyes and re-opened them seconds later just to make sure his mind wasn't playing games with him…

"Go…" Dawson uttered, paler than a ghost.

"Oh no…no." The guy pointing a gun at the back of Gabby's head snarled with an eastern-european accent, a smile spreading across his face. They had never seen him before….but Casey had.

Kelly's eyes darted around the living room…traces of a fight, blood…the water in the kitchen was still running and…and a body of a blonde girl on the floor…nothing made sense…and where the hell was Casey?

"You move, she dies." The guy hissed, tears running down Dawson's cheeks…she had come to the apartment just a couple of minutes earlier, with good news…instead of telling Matt he would be a father, she had found Katya's body, Casey missing and…and one of Jack Nesbitt's business partners in the bathroom…

"Casey?" Severide asked and swallowed hard, his heart beating way too fast, his eyes meeting Dawson's petrified gaze for a second time that day.

"Don't worry about him." The guy with the gun answered instead. "I needed her, but now - "

"KELLY!" Gabby yelled as she elbowed her attacker in the stomach and stepped to the left, then grabbed the gun with both hands…a life-death game…

"Ahhhhh." The guy cried, but he didn't let go. "Bitch!" He cursed and delivered a kick that sent Dawson to the floor, her head connecting with the edge of the coffee table…the last thing she saw before everything went blank was two men fighting for the possession of the deadly weapon…

It all happened too fast. Following his instincts, the Squad's lieutenant jumped forward, pushing the attacker to the floor, two sets of hands now searching for the gun…but Kelly's entire body was shutting down, unable to cope with yet more injuries…

"Let…" Nesbitt's partner hissed, blood dripping down from his nose. He felt Kelly's hands on his neck…Severide's dominancy didn't last long. The muscular guy grabbed Kelly's arms and managed to roll over, pushing the lieutenant down flat on his back. He covered Severide's mouth and nose with one hand, and pressed. "Let…go." He added, his free hand landing on the weapon. "Sleep tight." He snarled before using the barrel to render the Squad's lieutenant unconscious…he got to his knees, spat blood on Severide's pale face and looked at Dawson with a twisted grimace on his face…

Xxx

"Katya was…special. I warned her to stay away, but she didn't listen!" Jack Nesbitt raised his voice, glaring upon Matt's swollen face…he wasn't responsible for Casey's cut lip, or for the purple bruises on the lieutenant's face, or for his broken thumb…Jack's bodyguard was…and right now he was out shopping for supplies for…well, first the lieutenant who had tried to ruin Jack's perfect life would have to suffer. "Two mistakes…"

Nesbitt's voice trailed off and Matt looked up, his fingers desperately trying to free his hands from the rope restraining him to a pipe in an old house somewhere in Chicago.

"First, you working for Sergeant…Voight." Jack continued. "And second, you two talking business where anyone could see you...oh yeah, there's another one…you talk about your girl…Gabriella, and your fireman friends way too much."

"What… " Casey hissed, unable to tell if his teeth were in his mouth, his entire face numb. "Do you want?"

"Hmmm." Nesbitt smirked, pacing around the small room. "Did Voight mention what happened to the last idiot who tried to trick me?"

"What?"

"Nah, don't wanna ruin the surprise." Jack turned around, ready to leave, but stopped at the door. "Don't worry, you won't be alone for too long…your company's on their way..."

Xxx

Voight stepped out of Bunny's bar, tears welling in his eyes…hell, he hadn't cried in years, since his wife had passed away…but Erin…Erin giving up on everything she had achieved…on life…he couldn't live with that…he wouldn't live with that. Losing Nadia had been hard on all of them, but Lindsay…

His phone buzzed, but he ignored it, getting in his car instead. He would sit there and watch…and wait for Lindsay to leave. Then they would talk again, alone, without having Bunny around.

He had just started the engine when his phone buzzed again, and it kept ringing for a minute longer until Hank glanced upon the ID of the caller, cursing Antonio…what could be that important?!

"What?" Voight grumbled, not taking his eyes off the bar's entrance...he froze when Antonio spoke, panic in Dawson's voice…they had screwed up, big time. "Meet you there." He ended the call and slid his phone into his pocket, then pushed the door of his car open and got out.

Hank hurried back into the bar, his gaze immediately falling upon Erin, her chin resting on top of a beer bottle, tears rolling down her cheeks…

"I told you - " Bunny blocked his way, but the look Hank shot her forced her to shut up…

"Out of my way!" He hissed through greeted teeth, shoving past her, and made his way to Lindsay's stool…she didn't even look at him, instead kept staring at the wall, a painful grimace on her face.

Erin wished she was drunk already, but a single beer for breakfast couldn't do the trick.

"Let's go." Hank demanded the same way he had done half an hour earlier, and she finally turned her head to meet his eyes.

"Hank - " Her husky voice was so low, pleading.

"Two from Fifty-one have been kidnapped."

"She doesn't work for you anymore." Bunny interjected, resting her hand on top of her daughter's, a small smile dancing on her face.

It took Voight all the self-control he had not to strangle Erin's mom with bare hands. Instead, he ignored her, focusing his attention on the one who needed it. "Casey and Kelly Severide."

"Hank, I…" Erin's voice trailed off, and she tried to swallow the huge lump in her throat, unsuccessfully…Kelly Severide. She hadn't heard that name in months…hadn't seen that face in even more months. As her mind quickly dwelled on memories of them, together, she could see the irony…they had stopped being…together, because Kelly hadn't been able to deal with Shay's death, using alcohol as an excuse…now she was doing the exact same thing. But…she was born into bad news. "People die around me."

"No…"

"Go find them." Lindsay mumbled and rested her eyes on Bunny, simply to avoid seeing the look in her mentor's eyes…it was for the better…

Voight glanced upon the clock on the wall, cursing it under his breath. "All the lives we've saved…you've saved." He told her and turned to leave but stopped dead in his tracks. "You know where to find me, if you change your mind."

Xxx

" _I love you, you know?"_

"Kelly."

" _I know. I love you too."_

"Kelly!"

He could swear she was right beside him…he could feel the warmth of her body…Shay's face flashed in front of his eyes, and Kelly tried to grab her and pull her back into his world…

"Severide!"

The voice calling his name forced him to finally open his eyes, but the dim light made him close them again. He groaned in pain and remained still. He wanted to rub his burning face, but his hands were tied behind his back…to a chair. He finally allowed himself to look around…yes, he was tied to a chair in a cold, damp room.

"Casey." Severide mumbled, his dizzy mind finally recognizing the figure of his fellow lieutenant positioned on the floor…underneath the bruises he saw Matt's wan face, his limbs tied around a pipe.

Unwillingly, Kelly gasped for air, sharp pain going through his chest, the pounding in his head getting stronger…

"Hey…hey!" Casey raised his voice, having given up on the attempts to free himself hours earlier, when Nesbitt and his lackey had deposited Kelly's unconscious body onto the chair, leaving them alone for the hours to come… "Look at me."

Severide's eyes landed on the blonde lieutenant, and he tried to focus on his breathing, but his entire body aching made it impossible. "You…okay?" Kelly managed weakly.

"Think so." Matt lied, and Kelly didn't buy it, but the truth was that Casey's condition was much better than his friend's…

"Dawson…" Kelly mumbled, pressing his eyes shut once again…if the room would just stop spinning around…

"Huh?"

Silence…Matt glared upon his friend…he had only seen him so dead-pale once, just after Shay had been pronounce dead. "Severide! What about Gabby?"

Squad's lieutenant glanced upon Casey for a brief moment, then his eyes darted around the room for a few more seconds before he focused on Matt again and blinked, clearly disoriented.

"Did they give you anything?" Matt pressed…Kelly had been out for hours…and Casey was already sure his friend had been drugged…how on Earth he had dragged Severide into the Nesbitt's business?! Gabby even? Katya…she had tried to warn him…He had said things he regretted…but it wasn't the time for apologies…he wasn't even sure Kelly was listening to him…he just hoped he'd get the chance to fix their broken friendship…

"No…I…I don't know." Kelly shook his head, then opened and closed his mouth to get some air. "Came home and…and he was pointing a gun at Dawson. Think he said he wanted her…got into a fight…the last thing I saw was a body in our kitchen…"

"Katya…"

"What the hell…Matt?!"

"It's Nesbitt…he's seen me with Voight…Katya…she didn't deserve this." Matt grimaced, playing the whole thing in his head. "Nesbitt and the son of a bitch he's working with want to know what I've told Voight… now he thinks I've told you everything…"

"I…don't know what happened to Dawson." Kelly continued the incoherent conversation, each man trying to make sense of what he had been through, neither of them in a state where they could process it all.

Casey sighed in frustration. "Katya had heard them talking. She came to the apartment, wanted me to take her to see Voight…she was ready to tell him everything and get out of the country…next thing, Jack and two of his lackey burst through the door…made me…watch him kill her…" His voice slowly died, his eyes looking at nothing in particular anymore…

The silence in the room now was terrifying…but neither of them had the strength to break it…

Xxx

"They wouldn't be so late….not for this." Herrmann murmured, his comment directed to Boden. Mouch nodded in agreement. Everyone from Fifty-one was at the cemetery on the day that marked a year since losing one of their own - Leslie Shay…everyone but Shay's two best friends and their Truck's lieutenant. They were all worried now…because they knew Kelly Severide wouldn't miss the ceremony, no matter what…because they knew that no matter how hard it was, they'd be the first to arrive and the last to leave…because they knew the wound in Kelly's soul was still open, that he missed her, that he re-lived that day every now and then…that he often came to visit her grave, just to be close to her, to touch it, to touch…her.

"Severide's phone's off." Otis told them quietly, his eyebrows furrowed.

Boden sighed and pulled out his mobile, then scrolled down his contact list until he reached Dawson's, and dialed…three rings and no answer…

"Not good." Christopher mumbled.

One more ring and Boden moved his finger up to the end call button when someone finally picked up.

" _Chief Boden."_ Wallace recognized Antonio Dawson's voice, and his grip around the device tightened.

"Antonio…where is Gabriella?"

There was a long pause, as if Antonio didn't know what to say. _"Lakeshore…she…she has a concussion and needs a few stiches, but other than that she's going to be okay…"_

Boden exhaled in relief, but Dawson's tone hinted that there was much more to the story…much more, and he already suspected it was related to his lieutenant's side job. "Casey?"

" _We don't know, Chief. There's been a fight, we found a body, and…and he and Severide are missing."_

"Missing?" Boden gritted his teeth, a dozen eyes now pointed at him, no one daring to say a word…not again, they couldn't lose anyone else…not on that day, a cursed day.

" _We're heading back to the District…meet me there in thirty minutes, and I'll explain everything we know so far."_

"Yeah…"

The line went dead, but Boden's phone remained pressed against his ear for a few more seconds until his brain fully processed the detective's words…that couldn't be happening…but it was…and he was ready to rip Voight apart…but Voight was the only one who could find his men…

"Chief?" Cruz broke the silence first.

"Go to Lakeshore and stay there with Dawson…let me know how she's doing."

Xxx

Matt's eyes fluttered open only to see Kelly struggling to stay awake…but Severide finally let his eyelids drop, and he didn't make an effort to lift them up again…

"Kelly." Casey uttered, his throat too dry to allow him to raise his voice. "C'mon…can't leave me…alone now."

Matt grimaced, powerless, and for a countless time he looked around…maybe there was something in there he could use to free himself…maybe he could yell and someone outside would hear…but there was nothing he could use, and there was nobody outside. He noticed the sporadic up-down movements of Severide's chest and started wondering whether the injuries he had sustained after he had met that grenade at Chicago Med had something to do with his deteriorating condition…whether he had missed something after his friend had jumped in front of that truck to stop it…whether something had happened during that last shift, the one he had skipped…if…

Kelly moaned something incoherently, and the only word Casey understood was her name…Shay.

"Severide…damn it, stay with me."

Kelly slowly looked at Matt and opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words escaped his lips.

"Kelly, focus on - " Casey instinctively glanced upon the door when it creaked open…Nesbitt and his Russian partner entered, a knife in Jack's hand…

Xxx

"You've changed your mind?" Voight barked, having just climbed the stairs to Intelligence, his eyes now resting on Erin, a mug of streaming coffee in her hands.

"Hank, I…we have to find them…"

"My office." The sergeant instructed and she obeyed, avoiding Halstead's gaze, ignoring Olinsky's encouraging smile. She made sure to close the door so that the rest of their Squad would not hear a word…

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 **Sooo, yes, lots of hurt as promised. I tried setting the scene in this chapter, hope it wasn't too hard to follow all the different scenes/characters. Hope you like it so far, but whatever your opinion, please do let me know, every single review would be really appreciated. :)**


	2. Do it

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: Words in italics are memories.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **Do it**

"Let's try again – what…have you…told…Voight?" Nesbitt repeated his earlier question, pausing between each word to emphasize his point…the point that the tip of his sharp knife was in contact with Kelly's bare arm…they had torn his shirt apart…and the other arm was already bleeding heavily, a long cut starting from the right side of his neck and going all the way down to his chest, another one – to his biceps…they were just deep enough to bleed…to hurt like hell.

Kelly shivered uncontrollably, concentrating all the energy he had left in not giving up to the darkness that threatened to consume him…he couldn't answer any of the questions asked…they weren't even directed at him…did Matt even know anything about that illegal business?...For one, Kelly had no clue. All he knew was that they were brutal killers…and he was just a doll in their hands now, a doll they would torture for fun.

Matt tugged the ropes restraining his limbs in a pathetic attempt to free himself…he would beg them to hurt him instead, to take his life, to let his brother go, if only it would make any difference…but Nesbitt and whoever the other guy was, were out for revenge, to punish the traitor, to assess the damage done…and hurting Casey wouldn't help them, not yet…

"Already told…you. Nothing!" Casey huffed, sounding brave when he was actually petrified. "We've not talked either!" He was referring to his fellow lieutenant…and it was true – they hadn't talked, not in a civilized way anyway…their last argument…no, he wouldn't replay it now.

"Think again." The Russian snarled before Jack pressed the knife's point deeper into Kelly's skin.

"Ahhh." The cry that escaped his friend's lips made Casey's skin crawl. "I don't know anything about your…business!"

Severide gasped for air, his now swollen throat barely allowing for some oxygen to reach his lungs. _"You know I love you, right?"_ It was her voice…it was Shay…and he wanted was to follow her into…into a better place probably. Because he had no one anyways…because the one friend he had had after Shay still blamed him for Andy's tragic death…because after Shay, Lindsay had left him, and he couldn't blame her…because his two childhood friends had changed, had left…because he was alone.

Kelly closed his eyes for one last time, disappearing into the pain-free darkness.

"He's out…" The Russian stated icily and leaned forward to check for a pulse.

The few seconds before he nodded, and Jack confirmed a weak pulse, felt like years to Matt. Kelly's lips had turned blue, breathing shallow…all signs of a hypovolemic shock and hypothermia maybe…it was cold, too cold, and Sev had no shirt on…

"Stop the bleeding!" Casey barked, and Nesbitt shot him a mocking glance, a smug on his face.

"We need them." The Russian argued, and his tone didn't leave place for a no. "Alive." He added, not saying anything about their plan B – in case the police had anything to pin on them…plan B was leaving the country, vanishing, and the fire lieutenants were their out of jail card if things went south.

"You do it." Nesbitt glanced upon Matt and nodded towards Severide, then proceeded with untying Matt's hands…

Jack pulled Casey upright, and the blonde lieutenant made two unsteady steps forward, then knelt in front of Severide, afraid to touch him…afraid that the slight pulse would disappear…he had to win them time…enough time for Voight to fix the mess he had created.

With the corner of his eye Matt spotted the Russian whispering something to Nesbitt's ear…Jack didn't seem too eager, but he turned around and headed toward the door, leaving them alone with the Eastern-European…

Xxx

It was in the early evening when Voight and Erin climbed the steps to Intelligence, the look on their faces – a mixture of anger, frustration and exhaustion…it had been too long already, too long without finding a reliable trace…

"So?" Boden's voice boomed, and he met the sergeant with a demanding glare.

Erin bit her bottom lip and collapsed in her chair, her eyes glassy…all she wanted was to find them…as if all the feelings she had used to have for Kelly Severide had suddenly awaken…she wanted him, not Halstead, not Voight or her mom…she wanted him, the man who knew exactly what she was going through, the man she felt safe with, the man she…she loved even.

"We searched Nesbitt's club…he was there, no trace of Casey and Severide." Voight answered, staring at the pictures of Matt and Kelly hanging on the white board in the middle of the bullpen.

"What about his…girls?"

"They ain't talking." Lindsay snapped and covered her face with her hands as if to protect herself from the outer world…damn Kelly Severide, if it wasn't for him she would have been drunk already, away from the problems.

"Now what?" The Chief pressed, trying real hard not to lose control over his emotions.

"Now you go home and rest before your shift tomorrow. Antonio's with Gabby right now, she might recognize the attacker from some photos he's showing her. We keep digging - "

"Better find them alive." Boden hissed through clenched teeth before he turned around and headed for the stairs, and then to the firehouse…he couldn't bring the heavy weight he carried home to Dona and their baby boy…no, he'd put the gloves on and beat the crap out of their punch bag.

Erin possessed just enough self-control to wait until Boden was gone. But when she heard the metal door close behind the Chief, she jumped to her feet and kicked her chair with such force that she sent it all the way to Dawson's desk.

Lindsay froze for a moment, then snorted in frustration and headed for the small kitchen, Hank staring at her back…

He found her sat on the floor, her back leaning on the fridge, her knees pressed against her chest.

"I'm…I'm born into bad news, Hank." Erin sobbed. It was all she could think about…that and Kelly Severide, who was fading away right in front of Casey's eyes in a filthy room somewhere in Chicago.

Voight ran his hand across his face, wiping away the tears welling in his eyes. He reached in the cupboard, got a clean glass out and poured some tap water in it. Then handed his girl the glass and sat on the floor next to her.

Hank pulled Lindsay in his arms…they stood there for fifteen minutes, neither of them saying a word, until Antonio returned, Gabby following him…

Xxx

"Shay…" Kelly uttered, struggling to open his eyes…every part of his body felt numb, and he was cold…so cold…his fuzzy brain knew exactly what was going on – he had pushed himself way over his limits, had returned to work too soon after having been black-tagged…he had inhaled too much smoke in that big fire with Dawson, had hidden it from Boden and everyone else…because they had all been happy, the firehouse had been re-united, and he hadn't wanted to worry them…he had promised himself he'd go over to Chicago Med if the shortness of breath had persisted overnight, but the universe had once again tricked him…now he was losing blood, too much blood, and his already weak body couldn't cope…he was in shock, combined with hypothermia…he had seen people die of those…

Nesbitt and the Russian were gone…had been gone for…Kelly couldn't tell if it had been minutes or hours, or days even…

"Huh?" Casey had been watching Severide's lethargic form for the last one hour, afraid that if he closed his eyes for a moment his friend would just give up. The Russian had once again tied him to the pipe after he had managed to reduce the bleeding of his friend's arm, and then had left, leaving him there to pray to…to all Gods that Voight would come sooner,

"Shay…" Severide met Matt's gaze with a scowl.

"Sev, she's…not here."

Kelly moved his head up-down as if to say he remembered, the corners of his mouth twisting in a painful grimace. "I…know…Today's a year since…"

Matt cursed…of course it was the day of the anniversary…he couldn't believe it had been a year already… "I forgot." He admitted apologetically.

"It's…okay." Kelly attempted a weak smile. "Other things…important."

Matt winced, remembering his own words from a few days earlier, at the firehouse…maybe Kelly had wanted to just talk, to just spend time with a friend who would take his mind off the worst day of his life…maybe he had believed Scott could be that person when everyone else had left him…and instead of being there for him, the whole firehouse had turned against him, and Casey had pushed him away, too, had blamed him for Andy's death…it hurt, that much was clear…

Kelly's chesty coughing fit pulled Casey out of his thoughts. He could only watch helplessly as Severide struggled to breathe between coughs, eyes tightly shut as if to save energy.

"Last shift…" A violent cough followed and Kelly tightened his grip around the edges of the chair. "Dawson and I ran out of…oxygen…got trapped in a fire…they cut the water…was sure we were gonna die and…before Boden…felt relieved I'd see her…Shay."

It didn't put Matt's mind at ease, but at least it explained Kelly's troubled breathing. "Sev, I didn't mean - "

Kelly couldn't raise his hand, so he looked up and shook his head instead to indicate it wasn't the time or the place for that conversation…he couldn't concentrate and he doubted he would remember it if help arrived on time…

Severide shifted his eyes to the wall and then back to Matt with pursed lips. "Not…your fault." He uttered, his voice weak…

His friend's tone, his words…it worried Casey…it sounded like Kelly's attempt to make him not feel guilty if he didn't make it out alive.

"You're not giving up." Casey spoke, but when his voice died out, he heard footsteps from the outside and his gut churned. A few seconds later the door opened and the Russian stepped into the room.

Severide allowed his eyelids to fall, the darkness welcoming him.

"Kelly!" Matt barked, glaring upon the lifeless figure of his brother, Severide's eyes closed.

"You ready to talk yet?"

Xxx

It was way past midnight when Lindsay neared District Twenty-one's entrance, a large cup of coffee in her hands.

Gabby had pointed out two men from the photos Antonio had showed her. They looked alike, and the one who had attacked her could have been either one of them. Now Voight's team was out to question the suspects, but Hank had ordered Erin to stay put and dig out more information.

"You work for Sergeant Voight, right?" A girl's voice sounded from behind her, and Lindsay turned around, her free hand resting on her gun. She was one of the twenty-something year old girls Erin and Voight had talked to at Jack's club, a Macedonian…yes, Lindsay could imagine why the girl seemed terrified.

Erin nodded, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

"Let's talk inside." The girl urged, turning her head left, then right, scarred someone might be watching…

"Why?"

"Please."

Lindsay didn't hesitate any longer, they had not time to lose. She made her way to the precinct, completely ignoring Platt's questions, and took the steps to Intelligence two at a time.

"Can sit there." Erin pointed Antonio's desk and positioned the fresh cup of coffee on top of it. "Maria, right?"

"Yes." Maria moved her head up and down, meeting Lindsay's gaze. "If they find out I've been here - "

"They won't. I promise."

"You don't know them."

Erin stepped forward and placed her hand on top of Maria's trembling wrist, then squeezed it…she was only a couple of years older than Nadia – the girl she had tried saving, the girl she had got killed…

Erin suddenly jumped backwards, Maria raising petrified eyes.

"Hank…Voight…he'll keep you safe if you help us." Yes, Hank could do it, he had kept her safe for years…she hadn't been able to do the same, and Nadia had paid with her life…

Maria opened her mouth and closed it again without saying anything just before voices echoed from the stairs. Seconds later Halstead, followed by Voight, Antonio, Ruzek, Olinsky and Burgess appeared, six sets of eyes now pointed at their guest.

"Nothing." Halstead shook his head in despair. "Petrov's moved to Canada quite recently, no one's seen Vasilevich since last Friday…"

"Please…" They had never heard Erin's voice so pleading, begging…

The girl hesitated for a moment, moving her eyes from Erin to Hank and back to Lindsay. "Jack and Oleg…they've renovated rooms in abandoned houses…sound proofed, more luxurious than a five-star hotel."

"What for?" Dawson interrupted.

"Their most loyal clients get…serviced there. Jack picks his best girls and deploys them there…I've been to two, but…"

"But?" Olinsky pressed.

"Katya…she's been to different ones…I don't know how many there are…but I saw one of the top floor rooms once, Jack said it's for punishing traitors…"

"You know the addresses?" Voight barked, patience not his best quality.

"I…if they find out - "

"We can protect you!" Lindsay's voice boomed. "We'll get you a new name, a visa to wherever you want, money, a damn - "

"Erin." Hank grabbed her hand and pulled her aside.

The palm of her free hand connected with the top of Olinsky's desk, followed by a bang, only Jay daring to look at her.

"Casey wants to help girls like you." Antonio reasoned, trying not think of the possibility of finding Matt and Severide dead. Gabby would never forgive him…no one would.

"And you'll help me get out of the country?"

"Yeah." Ruzek nodded.

Xxx

Casey shivered, not taking his eyes off Oleg and Kelly…Matt had no idea what the temperature in that room was, but it was cold, that much he knew. They had spent the entire night in there, a second one in a row. The Russian hadn't moved an inch for four long hours, four hours Kelly had been drifting in and out of consciousness, mumbling names, Darden, Shay…

"Blood loss and hypothermia…not a good way to go." Oleg smirked, positioning one hand under Kelly's chin to lift his head.

Severide mumbled something incoherently, his eyes remaining tightly shut.

Instead of answering, Matt spat blood on Oleg's shoe…his tongue had been bleeding for the last ten minutes, alongside his nose, but at least it wasn't life-threatening, not like the hypothermia anyway.

"Son of a bitch!" Oleg hissed, releasing his grip on Severide. He balled up his fist, and it connected with the bandaged area on Kelly's arm…

"Ahhh." Kelly cried out and his eyes fluttered open, his mind unable to make sense of anything.

Oleg's face twisted in something between a grimace and an evil grin. A split second later he pulled out a gun and walked to the other end of the room…Matt was sure that was it. He couldn't see what was going on behind his back, all he could think of was Gabby and his best friend, the one he had dragged into the mess…Casey closed his eyes, ready…

Until he felt a movement just above his shoulder…he lifted his eyelids, but the sight of a small gun in Oleg's hand in front of his face terrified him…it wasn't pointed at him…it was pointed at Kelly.

"Take it!" Oleg demanded and in his initial shock Matt grabbed it, his body quivering, the dried blood on his face itching…there was a click behind him, and Oleg's gun connected with the back of Casey's head. "Do it…save him the suffering, he's your friend, right?"

Kelly saw the gun…the gun in Matt's hands. Somehow he managed to look up and met Casey's gaze.

"Do it, or I'll test how long he lives with a bullet in the femoral artery…usually they bleed out in between a minute and five…he doesn't have much blood left, you wanna see if he'd break the record?"

Severide used what strength he had left to nod, as If begging the blonde lieutenant to finally do it, to finally free him…because no one would miss him…

Matt commanded his body to stop shivering, afraid he might pull the trigger by mistake…he couldn't do it…but he couldn't watch his brother suffer any longer either…he had seen victims shot in the femoral artery…sights that would normally haunt him for days…the pain, the helplessness, the blood…his finger slowly moved on top of the trigger…he had trusted Voight and Antonio to find them…broken trust…

The loud shriek that came from Oleg's phone to indicate it was ringing brought Casey back to Earth. He lowered the gun and tried to listen to the conversation, suddenly realizing his own mind was foggy, not thinking straight…what he had been about to do…

"Are you sure Maria's with the police?" Oleg barked over the phone and Casey managed to hear Jack's "yes."

"Told you to keep the girls locked up!" The Russian raised his voice, anger radiating from it. "Idiots! Okay, you know what to do." Oleg pressed the end call button and turned to look at Casey with clenched jaw. "Guess he's of no use now..."

* * *

 **Wow, I can't thank you enough for the reviews, follows/favorites, and support...so inspiring! So this was a very dark chapter, lots of emotions, hurt and pain for our boys and Erin. Not much Linseride interaction so far, but I promise you real Kelly/Erin moments from now on...and more hurt and drama of course!**

 **Would love to hear you opinion and thoughts, so please review and thanks so much! :)**


	3. Fight for your life

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: Words in italics are thoughts.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **Fight for your life**

Fear seized Casey when Oleg snatched the gun away from him and tossed it on the floor. Matt's mind was frantically yelling orders to Kelly to stay awake and not give up, but his mouth was unable to produce a sound…the hypothermia was getting worse, for both of them… _it would all end soon..._ the blonde lieutenant found some comfort in that thought…

"Andy…" Casey's foggy mind detected Kelly's barely audible voice somewhere in the distance. "My fault."

 _Not your fault_ …but no words escaped the Truck's lieutenant's blue lips.

"I'm sor-"

"Sev!" Matt's frantic yelp didn't prompt his friend to open his eyes once again. _C'mon!_

A few feet behind Casey's back, the Russian knelt in front of a cupboard in the rare of the room and returned to Matt's line of view with two bottles of gasoline which he positioned next to Kelly's chair. "You ready to go?" He hissed, shooting Casey a glance before proceeding with uncapping the bottles.

"You won't get…far - "

"I've got money, Matt!" Oleg barked, slowly pouring the contents of one of the bottles around the chair and towards the wall. "Money will get me wherever I want. I just need your help to get to my…ride." He tossed the now empty container on the floor, turned around and lifted the second one. "Unfortunately your friend is useless now." Oleg added, his tone not containing any traces of regret.

"No…" Casey pleaded just before Oleg angled the bottle toward his unconscious friend, gasoline falling on top of Kelly's legs, a small part splashing on his bare chest…Severide groaned in pain when some of the liquid came in contact with his injured skin…

"Time to go." The Russian barked, proceeding with untying Matt's hands, a metal lighter shining in the pocket of his jeans…

That moment, when Oleg loosened the chain and grabbed his arm, Casey felt a sudden rush of adrenaline… _Fight for your life_ …and Gabby's face flashed in front of his eyes…all he had ever wanted – a family…he couldn't leave this world without having had one… _Fight for your life…_

Xxx

That morning Boden stepped out his office and headed toward the briefing room with a heavy heart, wretched…everyone had been informed their two lieutenants were missing, but he was yet to announce it officially. Gabby was out on a sick leave, and they were delaying the new candidate's start date because…well because no one knew whether Truck's leader was even alive.

"What's Voight been doing?!" Mouch exclaimed when the Chief was done talking, having just appointed Herrmann as a temporary lieutenant for Truck, some Jason guy leading Squad for the day.

"Antonio's reassured me they're doing everything they can."

"We've seen what Voight's capable of and - "

"That's enough!" Boden's voice boomed and Christopher decided not to continue. "We let Intelligence do their job, and we focus on ours today. If anyone can't, they better go home now!"

"Chief - "

" _Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, house fire - "_

Otis didn't get a chance to ask who was going to replace Dawson.

Boden hadn't even reached the apparatus' room when his phone buzzed…his gut churned and he answered, one hand supporting the phone, the other one starting the engine of his car, Truck and Squad having already left the Firehouse.

"Antonio, we're - "

" _I know. It might be them. Halstead and Lindsay are already there."_

Xxx

"We should wait - " Halstead squeezed Erin's arm in an attempt to pull her away from the burning structure.

"They don't have time!" The female detective jerked her arm free. Jay grimaced disapprovingly but followed her into the living room, covering his mouth and nose with his sleeve when they were suddenly embraced by thick, dark smoke. Sirens could already be heard in the distance, but he knew his partner was right – if Matt and Kelly were there, they couldn't wait that long.

"Ups…tairs." Lindsay suppressed a coughing fit. She didn't wait for a response but turned around, finding it hard to located the stairs.

The slamming of a door somewhere in the distance made them glance sideways, dark smoke being the only thing they could see.

"Son of a bitch!" Erin hissed, assuming correctly it was Oleg, Jack being still at his club, Roman having his eyes on him.

"I'm going!" Jay informed her and ran in the direction of the sound.

Lindsay moved forward and finally reached the stairs, took them two at a time, and soon understood what Maria had had meant by saying only the ground floors and basements of those houses had been renovated. The upper floor resembled an old warehouse, big boxes lying around.

Flames were eating part of the ceiling already, heat building up fast.

"KELLY! CASEY!" The detective yelled, but no response came back. There were two doors, one blocked by two cardboard boxes…she lifted the top one, having underestimated its weight, then proceeded with pushing the other one out of the way. Her hand landed on the door knob, but she pulled it away instinctively, the metal being too hot.

"Erin!" Voight's voice boomed over the radio.

"Hank…top floor." She replied and focused on the door once again, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat…she'd worry about the smoke inhalation later…

Lindsay took off her jacket and used it to turn the knob clockwise, succeeding in opening the door. A heat wave hit her in the face, making her close her eyes…in the very first moment she could hear only the cracking sound of fire eating everything on its way, then she smelled burning plastic…it helped her concentrate, helped her ignore the heat and the smoke…

"KELLY!" There was desperation in her voice. "CASEY!" Erin moved forward, battling zero visibility…the fire was spreading fast, mercilessly destroying everything and everyone…

"Here…" A weak voice finally called out, and Erin hurried in its direction, her eyes finally recognizing Casey's frame, curled in a ball on the floor in an awkward position. He was coughing violently, and for now it was at least a sign he was breathing, fighting. "Kel…" Another cough stopped him from saying his friend's full name, but Lindsay followed his gaze, her look landing on a lifeless body…on the body of her hero.

"CALL OUT!" Herrmann's voice echoed from the stairs, and Casey swallowed hard, suppressing another cough.

"Over here." Matt hoped they'd heard him, Erin being occupied with checking Severide's pulse and breathing.

"We're coming, Lieutenant!" This time it was Otis who spoke.

Nothing made sense anymore in Matt's head…his palms connected with the hot floor and he tried to crawl forward, but his muscles were too weak to support his weight, and he collapsed back on the floor, helpless…

"Weak pulse." Erin uttered, gently tapping Kelly's cheek in a desperate attempt to wake him up. "Come on, Kelly."

"Mmm." Severide yelped, his eyes remaining tightly shut.

"Lieutenant…" Cruz approached the Truck's leader with a chain cutter in hands, Otis following with a full oxygen tank and a mask.

"Severide…first." Matt demanded, flames already touching his hands. "Lost…blood." He choked on his words, and in the next second an oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth. He tried to push away the hand holding it in place, but his body was too weak to win the fight. "Sev…"

"There's one for him." Herrmann reasoned, working hard to put out the fire eating Matt's bare skin. With the corners of his eyes he watched as Capp, Cruz and Erin removed the chain around Kelly's legs and struggled to lift his completely unresponsive body off the chair. _"Not good."_ Was the only thought that came to mind, and Christopher opted not to say it out loud.

"Have to - " Casey made another unsuccessful attempt to push himself upright, and Otis had to grab his arm and put it around his neck to stop his lieutenant from ending back on the floor. "Oleg!"

A piece of ceiling collapsing on the floor with a bang just behind them reminded them they had to get out of there, fast.

"Casey!" Otis yelled, hoping it would pull Matt out of whatever nightmare he was reliving.

"Lead the way." Capp ordered to Tony, he and Erin doing their best to keep Kelly in a horizontal position to prevent any more blood loss.

"Mmmm." Severide moaned just after they had made it to the stairs, the thick dark smoke not allowing Lindsay to see the painful expression on his face.

"We're coming out now, Chief!" Capp barked over the radio, Herrmann confirming that they were following them with Casey.

"No…" Severide's soft plea, or was it just incoherent mumbling, killed her from the inside. Erin could see the exit already. But in the next moment Severide twisted his torso, and then made a weak attempt to deliver a kick, his mind presenting him with horrifying scenes…

Everything happened so fast when they finally exited…Chili and Brett helped Capp position Kelly on the waiting gurney, and for the first time Lindsay actually saw the layer of blood covering Severide's bare chest and arms, the deep, long cuts underneath, as if he was a piece of meat someone had sliced. His lips and limbs were blue, in contrast to the crimson…

Seconds later another pair of paramedics started working on Casey, Boden shouting orders to his men at the same time.

Two hands grabbed her from behind and led her to another ambulance, a female EMT then covered her face with an oxygen mask. Lindsay just sat on the edge of the ambulance, like a statue, unable to stand up to see if…if he was even alive.

Xxx

"Lieutenant!" Brett grabbed Kelly's wrist to stop him from tossing around, as if he was trying to hide some place, to protect himself.

Chili had no other choice but to use soft collars to restrain him to the gurney. Brett placed an oxygen mask over his face and disappeared back into the ambo for a moment, returning with a blanket and warm packs of some fluid that she placed under his armpits. Chili was struggling to stop the bleeding, Severide's body convulsing slightly.

"Morphine." Chili gently ordered, finishing dressing up the large cut, the bandages already pink.

"Kelly." A female voice sounded from behind, and Erin stepped closer, people from Fifty-one shooting concerned looks in their direction while still fighting the hungry fire.

For their surprise he forced his eyes open, nothing but confusion and fear in them. Kelly's gaze fell upon Brett, and he tried to focus, his mind playing twisted games with him.

" _I love you."_ Someone told him, Shay. She extended her arm, expecting him to grab it. _"Always."_

That blonde hair, those eyes. "Shay." He uttered, his blank stare directed to Sylvie. He attempted to lift his hand and grab her, but the soft collar that stopped him just agitated him more.

"I'm right here." Lindsay's palm landed on top of his…why the hell it was supposed to calm him down, she no idea.

Just before Brett pushed painkillers into his system, he shifted his gaze, Erin wanting to believe that he met her eyes on purpose, that there was a part of him that could understand.

"I need you." The detective mumbled and watched as his eyelids dropped, his body finally relaxing on the gurney…

Xxx

"Casey!" Two strong hands grabbed Matt's shoulders, stopping him from getting off the gurney so that Rafferty and her partner could do their job. He was wrapped in a blanket, having just pushed the oxygen mask off his face so that he could see them…so that he could see Brett and Chili struggling to stabilize his best friend. It was all his fault…and where the hell was all that blood on his hands coming from?!

"Matt." Boden's tone softened when his lieutenant turned his head to look at him with arched brows. "Stay still."

"I need to - " Casey tried pushing himself upright but Rafferty stopped him, and Matt had no strength to protest anymore.

Boden shot a concerned glance upon Chili before focusing back on the blonde Lieutenant, doing his best to hide his own emotions. "Let them work."

"This has to stay in place." Rafferty gently scolded, placing the oxygen mask back on Casey's face, having just bandaged his bleeding broken nose. "We need to go."

Chief nodded, watching as Brett pulled away, Voight's sedan leading the way. "Keep me posted." It was more like a plea than an order…every fiber of him wanted to follow his men to the hospital, to make sure they…they lived. But they were on shift, the fire threatening to spread to the neighboring houses.

Boden mumbled a prayer, like he'd done every time one of his people had got injured…it hadn't worked the last time, hadn't worked with Shay, but maybe this time…He turned around and yelled more instructions at Herrmann and Engine…

Xxx

" _Asshole!" Shay placed the empty beer bottle on the coffee table in their living room, and Kelly handed her a new one before taking a swig of his fourth one. "He left, like a coward, when she needed him the most."_

 _Kelly laughed, more at his girl's lame drunk face, than at her words…it wasn't funny at all – Shay's sister's fiancé had disappeared the night after she had told him she might have had cancer…it had been a false alarm, a false alarm requiring a surgery, but not life-threatening…_

 _Leslie shook her head before finishing yet another beer._

" _Whaaat?" Severide exclaimed._

" _If a girl needs you, Kelly, be there, no matter how hard it might be for you." She added with all the seriousness possible after so much alcohol, then got up and headed toward the fridge…_

 _xxx_

"Damn, he's going into cardiac arrest!" Chili yelled so that Brett could hear through the loud beeping of the monitors in the ambo.

"We're a minute out!" Sylvie yelled back, stepping on the gas. An emergency team at Lakeshore was already expecting them…

"Starting CPR." Chili placed both hands on Kelly's chest prompting Lindsay to close her eyes…she sat down…not again, not that man.

The ambo came to an abrupt stop, but Erin was too scared to look…the image of Nadia's lifeless body flashed through her head…she had gone out to get her a birthday cake, to organize the perfect party…instead of a birthday party, they had attended a funeral, Nadia's funeral..

"Erin."

She finally opened her eyes, Voight's hand on top of her shoulder, his eyes carefully examining her.

"Jay?" Lindsay finally remembered. "Oleg?"

Hank shook his head for a no. "The son of a bitch is bleeding, but he tricked them. Olinsky and Ruzek are leading a search. Nesbtt's in custody, and they'll find Oleg and when - " His voice died out when a tear rolled down her cheek. "Come on, he's in the OR already."

Erin followed her mentor to the outside on autopilot, scenes from Nadia's funeral and her killer's trial haunting her. They stopped dead on their tracks when a second ambo came to a stop.

Gabby arrived just on time to see an ER team rushing an unconscious Casey inside.

"Had to give him a mild sedative to calm him down." Rafferty explained without having been asked.

Xxx

It was three hours later when a young doctor finally emerged from one of the ORs, his face not revealing anything. Lindsay rose to her feet, so did Hank, Brett and Chili who were the only ones there, Rafferty having been called to a shooting, the rest of Fifty-One – on duty.

"I'll be quick because we're running out of time."

Erin suppressed a sob, her gaze resting on the man in a white labcoat.

"Mr. Severide needs a large volume transfusion of pre-warmed type A blood. There was a road accident this morning, and right now there's a shortage of blood. Is any of you - "

"I'm O negative." Lindsay cut him off, stepping forward. But in the next moment Hank grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"She's can't." Voight barked. "Prescription drugs."

It was a lie, another one, to cover her ass. She had consumed alcohol, hell she had taken drugs even, illegal drugs and now…now she couldn't do the one thing she might have been able to, to save his life.

"Mine's O." Chilli spoke, exchanging a look with her partner.

"Mine's A." Hank hoarse voice sounded again.

The doctor nodded. "You first." He motioned for the sergeant to follow him, and Voight didn't waste precious time asking for more information…

In that moment Erin felt empty, hollow…she sat there until her superior disappeared behind the corner, Chili headed for the canteen, and Brett – to call Boden…Lindsay got up and started walking toward the exit, heading…she had no idea where, probably to continue with what she had been doing before one Kelly Severide had been reported missing.

* * *

 **Aren't you all just amazing?! Thank you for reading, thank you for the kind words to Newperson, Nicole, Cynthia and to all other guest who unfortunately I cannot pm back! :)**

 **As promised, looots of hurt, and a few Lindsay/Kelly moments (well, okay, I know Kelly wasn't really conscious, please don't hate me). Their thing will progress gradually, I hope you liked their small moments in this one.**

 **Our boys were finally found, but they're not out of the woods yet. The missing scene - the events leading from Oleg untying Matt to the fire would be revealed, I promise.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one so please review, and thanks so much! :)**


	4. Living with the consequences

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: Words in italics - memories**_

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **Living with the consequences**

"His core temperature's increasing steadily." It was all Dawson heard, it was all she needed to know. "Broken nose, a broken thumb, cuts and bruises, but none's life threatening. We are going to keep him in the ICU overnight to monitor his body temperature, but I believe he will recover fully."

"Can I see him?"

"Mr. Casey is not awake yet, and he needs to rest now, but you're welcome to stay with him."

Gabby smiled gratefully but hesitated before following the doctor along the corridor leading to Matt's room. She hated that place – so quiet, so…so lifeless "Kelly Severide. Any updates?"

"Ms. Dawson, my main concern right now is Mr. Casey - "

"Please. He's…a friend." He was more than a friend, they had a special connection…Shay, their mutual best friend…in a way they had always been there for each other, too.

"Last I heard they had found suitable blood donors and were transfusing him blood…Look, he's extremely critical - "

"He saved me." Gabby sobbed when the doctor stopped in front of Casey's room. "He saved me, and he got hurt."

Xxx

 _xxx_

" _Do it." A voice urged, and he couldn't take his eyes off the gun in Matt's hands… "Do it." He was scarred…he wasn't afraid to die, he hadn't been in a long time, in a year, but that gun in the hands of the one supposed to be his friend..._

" _I need you." That female voice, it sounded like hers, like Erin Lindsay's._

 _The next picture his mind presented was of his girl, Shay lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. Her eyes snapped open, but she was…dead. "If a girl needs you, Kelly, be there."_

 _xxx_

Kelly's eyelids flew open, and his weary eyes darted around the small room in search for her…but Lindsay wasn't there. Nobody was…it must have been a dream…one of the monitors attached to his chest started beeping loudly, but he didn't care…he was all alone...

Kelly felt as if he'd been lying in bed forever, motionless, alone, but in fact it had been only a minute when two nurses rushed in, followed by a male doctor….there was no Casey, no…no Shay, no Erin, no anyone from Fifty-one beside his bed…

"Mr. Severide - " The older nurse called his name, but his attention was focused on the dry blood on his biceps. "Mr. Severide!" His eyes followed the IV line stuck in his arm all the way to the stand where two banks of blood were sitting, the contents of one of them going straight into him.

Kelly heard whispering coming from the corner of the room…

"Does he look like hundred pounds to you?" The doctor scolded the younger nurse, probably still a trainee, while the other one was checking Kelly's temperature. "The dose you've given him would've be enough for a twelve year old, but - "

"I thought…I'm sorry." The nurse mumbled…a simple calculation error…and now Severide was awake, having the chance to see the horror of the physical state he was in. They hadn't even cleaned him up yet, having been busy making sure he lived.

The doctor lifted his index finger and whispered something Kelly didn't quite hear, then stepped closer to the bed. The older nurse showed him the figure the thermometer in her hand had presented – still too low. "Mr. Severide, can you hear me?"

The sore throat and the narrow tubes going into his nose stopped Kelly from responding, his clouded mind unable to accomplish that simple task. Severide looked up, meeting the doctor's gaze expectantly.

"It's alright. Don't talk yet." The older nurse, Kate, smiled warmly.

"My name's Doctor Edwards." He continued, Severide trying to actually listen. "Mr. Severide, you have lost a lot of blood, and we're transfusing you a large volume, hoping to warm you up. So far it works, and your temperature is slowly going up, but it needs time. We did a few tests and it looks like you're suffering from a lung infection. Some of the…wounds on your arm and chest are very deep and inflamed as well so we're giving you antibiotics." The doctor paused, giving his patient some time to absorb everything that was wrong with him. There was more, a concussion, opiates in his system, not to mention the possibility of organ damage and even failure due to blood loss and hypothermia…the doctor decided not to mention any of those. They'd have to stabilize him first, and then see whether there'd be permanent damage…

Kelly didn't feel any of it. Actually, his entire body was numb, and he was so warm now, the darkness welcoming him back…

"Mr. Severide, we're going to continue with the transfusions, and you need full rest. Nurse Kate will give you something so you can sleep - "

"No." Kelly rasped out, his throat – as if on fire…he looked down, his gaze stopping on the dry blood area on his skin.

"It's for your own good." The nurse reasoned, smiling sadly and then pulled the cotton blanked all the way up to Kelly's chin.

He didn't protest, didn't flinch even. Instead, he forced his brain to remember, but it seemed like big pieces of information had been erased. Coming back the apartment, a guy with a gun…Kelly didn't realize that he shivered slightly when his mind played the horrific scene of Nesbitt tearing his bare skin with a sharp knife, just for…fun. To punish Casey. He suddenly felt cold again…and Casey pointing a gun at him…

" _Do it!" His mind urged but no words came out of his mouth. Matt hesitated for a long moment, but the look in his eyes…_

" _I need you."_

Erin…Had it really been her, or just his wishful thinking, his imagination maybe? Or his strong desire for someone, anyone, to just need him and to be there for him?

"Mr. Severide." Kelly snapped out of his memories when the doctor spoke again, having called his name twice already. "It is going to help you feel better."

But Severide shook his head for a no and then blinked, his eyes remaining shut for a few seconds before he looked at the doctor pleadingly…he couldn't quite tell what was it, but he was…scared, scared of the darkness, scared of being awakened again by nightmares, of waking up, alone...

Doctor Edwards sighed, but he was obliged to respect his patient wishes. "Okay then, I'd need you to calm down and just rest, no sudden movements, no talking."

"Cay…se?" Severide rasped out, as if having not heard a word of what the doctor had just said. He was expecting an answer, but his attention remained focused on the blood.

"Mr. Severide, as far as I am aware, Mr. Casey has sustained some serious injuries, but he is stable and doing well. He is sleeping right now, and you should do the same, okay?"

Kelly nodded, not pressing for further information. Matt was going to be okay, it was all that mattered to him.

"Doctor, I'll clean him up." Nurse Kate whispeared, feeling something…sympathy, for the man in the hospital bed. She remembered him…the same young man who had met a live grenade only a few weeks earlier.

She reached for a sterile wipe, watching him with the corner of her eyes as he struggled to stay awake.

By the time she had removed the last stain, he had given up on the exhaustion…but it was not a peaceful sleep and he would soon be awaken by another nightmare of his best friend pointing a gun at him…

Xxx

"What - " Casey grimaced, every muscle of his face…no, every muscle of his body, hurting, sore. His mind wasn't as clear as he'd have liked, mainly due to the painkillers in his system, needed to suppress all the pain associated with a broken nose and nasty bruises. His body temperature was close to normal, but he would need to spend at least another day in the hospital, as a precaution for the head injury…on its own, a broken nose wouldn't require such a close observation, but as his skull was already cracked...

"What does this mean?" Matt finished his question and pushed himself to a more comfortable sitting position, glaring upon Boden. Chief had been occupying the uncomfortable chair in the hospital room for the past half an hour, having gone to check on Kelly the minute their shift had been over, the rest of Fifty-one currently sitting in the waiting room, anxious for an update from Dawson who had gone to meet them.

"The doctor made it clear no visitors for at least another day." Boden rephrased his earlier words, maintaining eye contact with his lieutenant. "That knife…" He bit his bottom lip, wanting nothing more but five minutes alone with Jack Nesbitt and Oleg. "Has not been very…clean. Some of the deeper cuts are severely inflamed, as well as his lungs." Boden paused, cursing Severide's stubbornness…if he had agreed to visit the ER after the warehouse fire, maybe…but then the one kidnapped would have probably been Dawson, and Matt…Chief focused back on the blonde lieutenant whose thoughts seemed to also be directed elsewhere. "They're maintaining his room as sterile as possible."

Matt sighed in frustration, his head slumping down on the pillow. He opened his mouth to ask for more information, but a knock on the door stopped him. Antonio and Voight walked in, instantly meeting Boden's angry glare.

"How are you feeling?" Hank rasped out, stepping closer to the bed, Antonio – feeling too guilty to look the lieutenant in the eyes.

"Never been better." Casey snarled. "Can't say the same…about Katya, or…Severide."

"Any updates?" Voight looked up, sadness in his eyes…sadness for the firefighters, sadness for his girl, for Erin, who had gone straight to her apartment after the hospital, and back to her old habits. He had found her in the company of a half-empty vodka bottle…

"He's alive." Boden hissed. "Not thanks to you."

"What do you want?" Casey barked, sharp pain reminding him he shouldn't talk much.

Dawson made a step forward and crossed his arms in front of his chest, a small notepad and a pen in his right hand. "We've got Jack Nesbitt in custody, but he ain't talking and his lawyer…" He paused for a moment. "Nesbitt's spent a fortune on his lawyer. We need your testimony to make sure he stays where he belongs."

"It - "

"Trust me, I wish it could wait. But we need the details. Right now Casey is the only witness. We'll talk to Kelly if - "

"When." Boden corrected.

"When he's stable enough." Antonio finished his thoughts, getting ready to record Matt's words…words and memories that hurt just as much as the physical wounds.

Xxx

Erin woke up that morning, her head pounding. She didn't even attempt to open her eyes, experience telling her it wouldn't lead to anything good. She had a vague recollection of the previous night - Voight had come over, had lectured her, again…then, surprisingly, she remembered going to bed, fully dressed, the only thing on her mind – Kelly Severide. Those blue eyes, that smile, a smile she hadn't seen in more than a year…she missed it. And now she might not see it ever again, if –

"Ahhh." She groaned when her phone rang. Lindsay lifted her eyelids, the sun coming through the window making her feel sick…concentrating lots of energy to keep the contents of her stomach down, she looked around, locating the device on the floor next to the bed. "Okaaay." She hissed before reaching for the phone, Halstead's name illuminated on the screen.

Erin sighed, but answered, her voice low and hoarse. "Yeah."

" _You okay?"_

"I'm fine." She grumbled, her head falling heavily back onto the pillow. "What's up?"

" _Been wondering if my partner would show up today."_

"Jay…talk to Voight."

" _He said to ask you."_ Halstead emphasized on the last word. _"Look, we've got a lead on Oleg, but I need to know if you still have my back, or I should find a new partner._

Have his back…She couldn't keep anyone safe, couldn't risk his life, too. "Burgess will keep you out of trouble."

" _Okay. Take as much time as you need. I'll stop by later, and we can talk - "_

"No, Jay, just…just get that son of a bitch." Her voice died out, and for a moment Erin wondered if Halstead had even heard her last words. It didn't really matter. Not saying anything else, she ended the call, the phone remaining in her grasp as she lay in bed for another hour.

It was just past lunchtime when Lindsay rose to her feet and make her way to the small kitchen…her gaze fell upon that photo of her and Nadia together at Molly's stuck to the fridge door.

She ignored it and reached inside, but soon realized that the bottle of vodka she was after was not there…Voight had taken it away from her the night before.

Erin slammed the fridge door shut and opened the nearest cupboard, her hand landing on a metal box supposed to contain coffee. She removed the lid only to find it empty…

 _xxx_

" _We need coffee." Erin shouted so that Nadia could hear through the loud noise of the hairdryer._

" _I know! It's number two on my shopping list today." Nadia shouted back…she cursed, realizing she had just said too much. Number one was getting Erin's birthday cake…she wasn't supposed to tell. "Beer…beer's more important." She added, for once happy they were running late so Lindsay would not have time to ask questions._

" _Good girl." The detective grinned when Nadia finally joined her in the kitchen_

 _xxx._

"Stupid - " Lindsay turned around and grabbed the photo, then tore it in two and dropped it in the bin, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She hurried into the living room, grabbed the car key for the vehicle she had rented, and left, heading for the liquor store.

But when she neared the little shop she pressed the gas pedal and kept going, then turning left just after the sign indicating the direction of the hospital…

Xxx

Casey peered through the window of Kelly's ICU room, ignoring his protesting legs. He was wearing a hospital gown, one hand holding onto an IV stand. _"Do it."_ Oleg's voice sounded in his head…that moment…that feeling of helplessness, of giving up, of not thinking straight…

He watched as a nurse lifted the bandages off Severide's arm, saying something over and over again, Kelly's blank stare directed at…at nothing in particular.

Even from the distance Truck's lieutenant saw the cuts covering his friend's body, the redness surrounding them. A big proportion of bandages remained in place, and Matt correctly assumed they covered the deepest wounds. Kelly's skin was pale, maybe not as pale as it had been in that house, in their prison…it looked like Voight's blood had helped…yeah, Voight had saved the day again… _"What have you told Voight?"_

Casey was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps just behind him. He turned his head, immediately regretting the sharp movement, and was met by Erin Lindsay's glassy eyes.

She took a step backwards, as if she was scared of…of something, of seeing Casey's bandaged nose, of the IV line…she was terrified of having to look through that window, of seeing another broken man, of seeing him, Kelly Severide, like that.

Stupid idea…yeah, she shouldn't have come. "How's he doing?" She had no idea what else to say.

"Still breathing…" Matt grumbled, all the rage inside him boiling. "They're waiting on a few results."

"Is more blood needed?" Well, she wouldn't be a perfect donor, again...Hell, she wanted to go in, to…to just talk, to touch her hero, to make sure he was fighting. "I couldn't donate - "

"You've done enough already." Casey cut her off sharply, raising his voice beyond an acceptable level.

"What?"

"You and the whole Voight's…unit, got us into this! Look - " Matt's index finger touched the glass, pointing the unbandage wounds on his friend's arm. "You did this!" He turned around to face the stunned detective.

She said nothing…she couldn't take her eyes off him, of Kelly Severide, whose eyelids slowly fell, his body visibly relaxing when the nurse was done re-bandaging.

"Voight should've know better! I can't believe I was stupid enough to meet him out in the open…is that what you wanted? A reason to finally arrest Nesbitt? You've got it now…the consequences don't matter, right? As usual when Voight's involved!"

"Hey!" Casey was forced to quit the blaming game when nurse Kate stepped out of Kelly's room, the anger on her face visible even under the mask she wore. She made sure to close the door and then lifted her index finger for emphasis. "This is an ICU for God's sake. It took me half an hour to calm him down enough so he can get the rest he needs. If you can't respect that, Mr. Casey, I'd ask you to get back downstairs to your own room."

Matt looked up one more time, his gaze resting on a sleeping Severide. He sighed, already regretting his attitude, his words…Erin had saved them…it was just…he couldn't erase the images of Kelly's lifeless body covered in his own blood out of his mind, couldn't erase the sense of fear, the utter helplessness, his own physical pain, the gun in his hands that he had even considered using…

"Sorry - "

But Lindsay was gone. Matt looked around in desperation, but there was no trace of the detective…"Damn it." He cursed, hoping the nurse hadn't quite heard it. He would have to figure out a way to keep his temper in check. "Can I stay with him?" Matt faced Kate, his brows arched, expecting a positive answer.

Instead, she shook her head for a no. "We've got the infection under control, but we can't risk it. Maybe tomorrow."

Kate knew the details of the kidnapping and couldn't help it but feel sorry for the two victims, couldn't help it but wonder what was going through their minds – one still fighting for his life in an ICU room, pushing the world away, and the other – having to live with the guilt…

* * *

 **Yep, living with the consequences is not easy, and they have a looong way to go before it gets better. But at least our boys are doing better physically, and I have a feeling someone would need to take Kelly home at some point...I wonder who that person is going to be *shrug*...oh yeah, and maybe it's time Erin got some so much needed help from a person she would listen to...okay, said too much, thank you so much for reading and sharing your opinion with me, each comment makes me happy, so please review before you go, and thanks again! :)**


	5. I need you

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 **A/N: Text in " _italics" - memories._ Text in _'italics' -_** **thoughts**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **I need you**

Kelly detected a movement in his room, then footsteps, but his eyes remained closed, his frame – still…maybe if he pretended to be asleep just long enough, whoever it was would go away and leave him the hell alone…he was sick and tired of telling people over and over again about the kidnapping, of pretending he didn't remember a sick bastard tearing his skin with a sharp knife, that he didn't remember seeing his best friend with a gun in hands…that he didn't remember begging Casey to pull the damn trigger. He had given a statement to Antonio and Halstead already, had been overwhelmed by we-need-you-back-soon-s from Mouch and Herrmann…too many people had stopped by when he had been finally transferred to a regular room, but despite all the attention he had received, he was feeling empty, hollow, alone…and the problem was he had no idea what would make him feel better…the one who had always been able to erase the painful thoughts and memories was gone, had been gone for a year.

Just a few inches from the bed Matt lowered himself into a chair, his attention directed to the slightly trembling eyelids of the Squad's lieutenant…

"Sev?" Casey whispered, just in case his friend was indeed asleep.

Kelly was pulled back to the present by the voice calling him, Matt's voice…he definitely wasn't feeling like dealing with his fellow lieutenant, or the events that had sent them to the hospital.

Severide took a deep breath, then exhaled, his eyes remaining shut. "Yeah." He grunted, his annoyance evident.

"Doc said you can go home tomorrow." Yeah, in Casey's head, positive news was the best possible start of that conversation. "Can't really drive yet, but Boden offered to take you home."

Home…he hadn't had one of those in a long time. He nodded for a yes, finally turning to look at his friend. "Tests came back. No permanent damage, but off duty for a while."

"They'll survive without us." Yes, Casey was sure Herrmann would keep the guys safe and sound…they were delaying the new candidate's start until Matt was back. "Boden said your replacement is a nice guy, too"

"I'm sure…they will." Kelly shifted his attention to the ceiling…keeping his head in a horizontal position hurt just a tiny bit less…

Casey recognized that Severide…the Severide who was pushing everyone miles away, hiding, denying. Over the years he had seen that man on multiple occasions, after the first Renee, after Darden, after Shay…yes, Leslie had been the one to always know how to fix him.

"Kelly, we should talk about - "

But Severide shook off his head, a scowl on his face. "I'm done talking about it, Casey…told Antonio and Boden what I…remember."

The way Kelly paused before muttering 'remember' hinted he recalled much more than he cared to admit, but Matt decided not to press further…for now. Severide was already too agitated and bitter, and the blonde lieutenant feared that if he insisted on talking about the kidnapping he would do more harm than good.

"Okay." Casey agreed with a heavy heart, well aware his presence wasn't welcomed. "One last thing…since Gabby is…pregnant, we've decided to try…us, again. She's moved back."

Xxx

 _"Do it!"_

"No." Casey had been tossing and turning for the last ten minutes, his forehead now covered in sweat, the image of him pointing a gun at his best friend embedded in his sleep-deprived mind. "Nooo." He yelled before his eyes snapped open. Two soft hands pulled him to a sitting position and then stroke his cheek, Dawson watching worried as Matt struggled to come to his senses.

"It's just a bad dream." She whispered, running her fingers through his greasy hair. "A bad dream." She repeated, just like she had done the night before…

"I'll get some water." Gabby sat on the edge of the bed, but suddenly froze, sharp stomach cramps being the reason.

It took Casey five seconds to realize something wasn't right. Still feeling a bit light-headed, he leaned forward, gently squeezing Gabby's shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Her prompt reply proved there was something wrong. "Cramps. Your daughter doesn't like the Chinese we had for dinner."

"Babe - "

"It's okay. Really." Gabby muttered, grabbing the edges of the bed to push herself upright. But Casey wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her back, her head landing on the pillow.

"Don't need water." He lay on his left side, positioning his hand so that his nose and the purple bruises on his face wouldn't come in contact with the pillow, and rested his hand on Gabby's belly…the only good thing in his life. "My daughter, huh?" He snickered, having not thought about the sex of his unborn child before.

"Your daughter…" She smiled, then closed her eyes, hoping for a few hours of peaceful sleep. It was too early to be sure of the sex, but Gabby could feel it…a little girl was on her way, but she would have to face her first challenge soon, without having even been born yet…

Xxx

"Kelly." Boden sighed, not letting go of his lieutenant's healthier arm. The walk from the Chief's car to the apartment proved to be too much of a challenge for Severide who stumbled on the single step he had to climb, Boden there to catch him.

But when they finally entered the empty living room, Severide stopped dead in his tracks, his gaze landing upon the area where Oleg had stood while aiming his gun at them...

Chief followed Kelly's blank stare, his heart sinking, his worry growing further. It had been one terrible thing after another…and now Casey and Gabby were back at the hospital after Dawson's cramps had grown into unbearable sharp pain in a matter of hours, followed by bleeding…possible miscarriage, it had been all Matt had revealed on the phone around lunch time while Chief had been home, playing picaboo with little Terrance, about to head for the very same hospital to get Kelly home.

"You don't have to stay here. We can find you - "

"I'm fine." Sev stated icily…where else could he go?! The last thing he wanted was to be a burden for anyone…he'd take care of himself…had managed on his own all his life anyways. Slowly, he took a step forward, then another one, finally resting his hand on the back of the couch, for support.

"Yeah…" Boden uttered through clenched teeth, having heard that line many times before. "Sit your ass down before you fall over."

For once Severide did as told, collapsing in the leather piece of furniture. Boden followed him, then sat in one of the armchairs so he could have eye contact with Severide, the expression on his face clouding even further. "You heard from Voight?"

"About?"

"Nesbitt's staying in jail…for a long time hopefully." Chief grimaced, replaying the unpleasant conversation with Hank. "They've lost Oleg's tracks…but Intelligence has reasons to believe he's left the country so you and Casey - "

Kelly raised his hand to stop Boden's explanation. "Great…let him go to Bora Bora!"

"Severide - "

"No! I…I don't want to hear that name ever again, Chief."

"There's an international arrest warrant." Boden continued, hoping his words would sink through his lieutenant's tick skull. "He's not getting away with it."

"I don't care!" Kelly grumbled, having the sudden desire to just get far away from that apartment, from Chief, from everyone.

His palms connected with the couch, and he struggled to push himself upright under Boden's scrutinizing look. And when his legs started to shake under the weight, he just gave up and sat back down, wanting nothing more but to be left alone.

Boden watched the whole scene without moving, in silence, until he caught a glance of Severide's defeated expression. "You should rest up in the next few days."

"Yeah." The corners of Kelly's mouth lifted into a fake grin, the goofy smile not masking his physical and emotional pain."And do the stupid exercises twice a day…see, I can take care of myself."

"Sure." Boden's jaw tightened…he knew that expression well, an expression that appeared on his subordinate's face every time he didn't want to deal with a particular problem. "I'll make dinner, and hopefully we'd hear something from Casey."

"Chief!" Kelly raised his voice, maybe that way his superior would get it…"Thanks for the lift, but I don't need a babysitter…please."

Xxx

 _Kelly sneaked behind Shay who was sank in the couch, "Despicable me" on the TV screen, the volume probably too high for the neighbors' taste at just past midnight on a week day. He stopped for a second and positioned the orange envelope in his hands in between his legs. Then made another step, leaned forward and covered Shay's eyes with his hands, smiling from ear to ear._

" _Happy birthday!" He whispered, then kissed the top of her head._

 _Shay grinned, pressing the pause button on the remote, and jumped to her feet and straight into Severide's open arms._

" _Tequila time." She declared mock-serious, looking straight into his blue eyes. "No shift tomorrow."_

" _Tequila time." He nodded and grabbed hold of the envelope, then waved it in front of Shay's face._

 _Her eyes followed the left-to-right movement of the envelope, childish curiosity on her face. "This for me?" She exclaimed before snatching the gift._

" _Hey! Easy."_

 _Kelly was truly amazed by how fast Shay tore the top of the colorful paper open. She slid her fingers inside and pulled out two booking reservations…_

" _VEGAS?" Shay shouted, overexcited._

" _Well, in two months, but everything's arranged. We're taking a week off to a five star, all inclusive…girls included..."_

" _I pick first."_

" _Shaaay! Not fair."_

" _It's my birthday!"_

 _Kelly mused for a few moments, his eyebrows arched. "Okay…So, where's that tequila?"_

" _Fridge!" Shay replied as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet, carefully putting the bookings back into the envelope._

" _Let me stop that thing first - "_

" _What thing?" She turned around, following Severide's every step to the dining table. "You're recording this?"_

" _You've got my entire birthday on tape!" He shrugged his shoulders, lifting the camera so it would capture Shay's amused face._

 _But in the next second it lit up again, and she made a step forward, then extended her arm. "Gimme that."_

When steps echoed from the outside, and Kelly heard a key being inserted into the lock of the apartment door, he grabbed the remote and paused the video, then switched back to TV, a re-run of CSI on.

Kelly wiped away the tears welling in his eyes just before Casey entered…that Vegas trip, they had never had the chance to go…he had gone alone, had met Brittany, a relationship that hadn't lasted that long…

"You should be resting." Matt muttered, dumping his wallet and phone on the table, the expression on his face – as if pain and sadness had settled down forever.

"I am." Kelly did his best to keep his temper in check, definitely not up for hearing again what he should be doing. He turned off the TV but remained seated. "How's Dawson…everything okay?"

"No." The blonde lieutenant snapped, clearly frustrated. It was just too much to take, first the whole Squad vs. Truck drama, then Nesbitt and the kidnapping, and now…now his family was threatened. "She might…might lose the baby. Doc said they can't make any prognosis yet…they'll monitor her over the next few days and…we'll see. Came to get her some stuff, and I'm staying with her tonight."

"Of course - "

"You okay here on your own?" Matt disappeared into his bedroom and returned a few seconds later with a rucksack.

"Yeah…yeah." Kelly nodded, then bit his bottom lip, trying to find the courage to approach another subject…a subject that was threatening to eat them alive. "Look, sorry about yesterday…I'm just…we should talk about…Nesbitt."

"Kelly. I have to…have to get back to the hospital."

"Of course you do." Kelly muttered almost immediately, prompting Casey, who was on his way to his room, to stop and turn around.

Severide hadn't realized he had said out loud until Matt's piercing gaze met his.

"Right now I have to take care of my family!" The blonde lieutenant retorted, realizing how it had sounded only after he saw the hurt on his friend's pale face. One day he'd have to work on that 'count to ten before you say it' thing his mom had told him about many years earlier.

"Yeah…yeah." Severide rested his eyes on the glass of water in front of him, afraid his wet eyes might betray all of his emotions…maybe the drugs he was still on had something to do with it, maybe the painkillers were messing up with his head.

Glancing upon his watch, Casey huffed and headed for his bedroom to get a sweatshirt…

 _xxx_

" _He will hurt you and everyone you love!" Katya looked up and met Matt's eyes in his bedroom, a sense of urgency in her voice. "You have no idea who those people are, Matt!"_

" _You tell Voight everything you know - "_

" _And when Oleg finds me?" She paused, feeling…feeling something for the fireman…he was different, he was a good man. "Finds you? They know you're with Voight - "_

 _A knock on the door ended their conversation…their last conversation, marking the beginning of…hell._

 _xxx_

The slamming of the front door pulled Casey out of his memories. He hurried into the living room only to find it empty. "Kelly?" Matt called out, rushing into Severide's bedroom, but there was no trace of his friend. "Damn it!" He cursed, tossing the sweatshirt on Kelly's bed.

Xxx

"You should leave, now!" Lindsay hissed to Bunny with a surly expression on her face. She made a step forward and opened the front door as an invitation to her mom to get the hell out of there, but –

"Kelly?" Erin uttered with arched brows when a very pale-looking Kelly Severide appeared in the hallway.

"Oh, is that - "

"Go!" The detective barked and Bunny tensed up. She sighed but walked out through the door, her eyes carefully examining the fireman.

Kelly put one hand on the wall for support, his legs threatening to betray him, and watched in silent misery as the older woman reached the stairs and finally disappeared out of sight. He shifted his gaze back the detective dressed in an old t-shirt and jeans, her hair messy…she was gorgeous…but there was something in her eyes, something that said all she wanted was to be left alone…Kelly recognized that look, had seen it many times in his own reflection in the mirror. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

"I'm gonna go - "

"Come here." Lindsay grabbed his arm, vividly remembering which one had been injured worse, and slowly guided him inside.

Kelly sank into the nearest chair and squeezed his eyes shut…apparently running away to a taxi, and then from a taxi to the third floor of a building was just too much. He felt as if the air had been knocked out of him, everything above his torso hurting like hell.

"What's going on, Kelly?" Erin pressed, not taking her eyes off him, debating with herself whether she should call for an ambulance.

Her worried voice prompted him to lift his eyelids. "I…it's nothing. Wanted to say thank you." He attempted a lie that couldn't fool even a child. Kelly turned his head slightly to the right, his gaze falling on a half-empty bottle of liquor on the table, one empty and one full glass next to it.

"I've sobered up…" Her husky voice was full of sadness, the grimace on her face – full of pain. For a first time she felt as if she didn't need to hide her feelings, her demons…Kelly Severide would understand. Kelly Severide did understand. "Thought Bunny's changed, but all she's ever wanted is money…she's been using…Nadia to get money out of me."

"She's not worth it." He sighed and reached for the full glass, the golden liquid tempting him with the comfort it would provide. But a soft hand landed of top of his and then pushed the glass out of his grip.

Erin pulled another chair and sat down, then squeezed his hand tightly. "Last time we met you were doing so much better." She had heard from Antonio Kelly had stopped drinking and partying every night, that he had actually been dealing with Shay's death. "Talk to me." Lindsay whispered, only now noticing the dark red stain on the biceps area of his blue shirt. Without asking, she placed her fingers on top of it, feeling the wet, fresh blood.

"Don't." Kelly trembled when she gently pressed on the injured site. His weary gaze met hers, and he saw in her eyes concern, for him, like she really cared, like no one else had since Shay…

" _I need you."_

The truth was he needed her, too. He needed her help, needed her, as a woman, as a friend, as a soulmate going through the same nightmare. It was time he admitted it, to himself.

"Let me see." She demanded, saving the ' _or I'm calling for an ambulance'_ part for if he refused.

When Kelly didn't protest Erin took it a sign to proceed. "Need to remove your shirt."

He nodded and gripped the bottom of the shirt without standing up, the whole process of getting his arms and head through the small openings sending a sharp pain through his entire body.

Erin moved behind him and froze for a second…yet to heal cuts covered a substantial part of his shoulders, arms…chest, scab on top of many of them, stitches visible on a few. It wasn't hard to identify the bleeding one, and she was grateful it was just a superficial one, where the scab had been peeled off, probably when he had put the tight shirt on.

"I…try not to look." Kelly's confession took her by surprise.

"Have you talked to anyone? Casey?" She wasn't in position to demand such thing…she hadn't talked about Nadia either. This wasn't about Nadia. It was about helping Kelly Severide.

Lindsay disappeared in the bathroom and returned a moment later with a first aid kit, Kelly still dwelling on the question…thoughts he wanted to push away, to lock in a box and simply destroy the key.

"He's…too busy." He remained still, biting his lip to suppress a hiss when she cleaned his skin with an antiseptic wipe and then covered the bleeding area with a sterile dressing.

"You have to be more careful - "

"Yeah." Kelly cut her off, finding just enough strength to push himself upright. "I should go." Go where? Not Matt's place that was for sure. "Thanks."

For a second time that evening Erin grabbed his hand and stopped him from doing something stupid. It wasn't hard to tell he wasn't eager to face Casey, that he wouldn't even go home. "Kelly, stay…Can't let you go like this."

"It's - "

"Please."

Feeling his legs starting to buckle up, Severide nodded and allowed her to guide him to her bedroom, to the bed. She helped him lay down, and he didn't protest when Erin fixed a pillow under his head and covered him with the blanked...it felt…nice, cozy.

When he finally found a comfortable position that didn't hurt like hell, Lindsay grabbed a spare pillow and headed for the couch. He assumed, correctly, she didn't want to go into Nadia's bedroom….he remembered Shay, when…he hadn't been able to go in there for over a month.

Kelly turned on his other side for a hundredth time, sleep just not coming…

It was some time later when the door of the bedroom creaked open, and he detected soft steps in the direction of the bed.

Erin flipped the edge of the blanket and climbed into bed. She wrapped her arms around him, her warm chest coming in contact with his back. Soon after sleep welcomed them…

* * *

 **Yay, finally some of the promised Linseride is here, hope you liked it, the morning after is coming next! :) Angsty tension for our boys, they need to talk, soon...Just to clarify, I am not making Casey the bad guy here, he's coping with the the kidnapping and everything in his own way, maybe not the best way, too. He needs his family, and now his family is threatened, it definitely doesn't help *evil grin*...our boys need some guidance and they will get it, and maybe talk things through, but hey, it cannot happen magically! More Linseride and real bromance is coming in the next update, promise! :) So thank you sooo sooo much for the continuous support, hope you like this update. Would love to hear your opinion! :)**


	6. Together

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" -**_ **memories**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 **Together**

It was so warm and cozy, for once, and that soft body snuggled next to his, it just felt right, as if they belonged there, together, under the same duvet, her fingers wrapped around his…if only the throbbing pain in the upper part of his body would stop…Oleg had…had cut through the area he had the surgery on two years earlier, and it hurt, it hurt so much he wanted to scream.

Kelly's eyelids flew open, and with his free hand he squeezed his shoulder, trying to…it was stupid, he knew it, but it was his pathetic attempt to block the pain from spreading any further. It was still dark outside, and he could hear Erin's rhythmic breathing, her head pressed against his…she was fast asleep, a small smile on her face, and he didn't have the heart to disturb her by getting up…so he closed his eyes once again, the up-down movements of her chest pressed against his easing the pain a bit…

It was 9am when Lindsay felt the warm spring sun touching her bare feet. It wasn't long before her brain finally processed that she was thirsty, prompting her to open her eyes. The strong body next to hers was motionless, so she rolled away from him, trying not to disturb her physically and mentally drained…friend? Boyfriend? Fire-hero responsible for the butterflies in her stomach…

"Don't." This time he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, her head resting on the pillow...he would pull her onto his chest, like they had used to do, but it would just cause him additional pain, if more was even possible. "It's…nice."

"It's my fabric conditioner." Erin quipped, her husky voice giving him the chills.

"It's you." He whispered before he could stop himself.

That was the first moment in a very long time they both forgot about the demons haunting them. They lay there, in the warmth of the spring sun, their legs intertwined, their bodies connected, together, a bit stronger…

Xxx

Matt was dozing in a chair in Gabby's hospital room when his phone buzzed in his jean's pocket. His eyes snapped wide open, his mind – a prisoner of yet another nightmare. Instinctively, he slid his hand into the pocket and pulled out the device, Boden's name illuminated on the screen, and one missed call…he quickly rose to his feet and hurried outside to the deserted corridor, taking a glance at the missed call, hoping it had been from Kelly…but no, Boden, again. Casey finally pressed the green circle on the display. "Chief."

" _Casey, where are you?"_ Boden's anxious voice boomed, prompting the lieutenant to fully wake up.

"Still at the hospital." Matt huffed, millions of scenarios involving Nesbitt, Katya, Kelly rushing in his head. "The baby is okay, but they will need to monitor Gabby in the next couple of days." He was trying to be brave, for his family. "What's going on?"

" _I'm at your place. Was supposed to take Severide to the firehouse to sort out the paperwork for his medical leave. He's not answering the door, or his phone. You know - "_

"Damn!" Casey cursed, and a nurse shot him a warning glance. He had believed…no, he had wanted to believe that his friend had gone out to cool off and then - back home…but words could hurt, very easily, and he had said the wrong thing, again, to a man who had been through enough pain over the last year for a lifetime…

" _What?"_ Chief's edgy voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Last night we…talked and he took off - "

" _He took off?"_

"I tried calling him around midnight but he didn't answer…I assumed he'd gone home." Yeah, it wasn't like Sev had anywhere else to go.

" _Well, he did not!"_ Chief hissed, Casey taking the hint…the hint that he had failed his fellow lieutenant once again…but it was just so hard, the memories of the kidnapping – so fresh, all the blood, death, fear…cowardice, his own cowardice controlling his actions, almost making him pull the trigger. It was hard living with the memories…it was hard being the main witness who had to make sure Nesbitt would rotten in jail, it was hard not knowing the faith of your own child, of the family he had always wanted, the family he might lose as no one could make any prognosis about Dawson's pregnancy yet.

"I'll find him - "

" _Yeah, that's the best idea I've heard in a long time! I have to get back to the firehouse, and I'll see if anyone's heard anything at all."_

"Probably not." Matt voiced his thoughts which only made his inner agitation worse.

" _Probably…Casey, I know what you're going through is hard, but Severide needs you. You help each other…"_

"I'll find him, Chief." The lieutenant vowed, having no idea where to start the search from.

Xxx

It was just past 11am when Lindsay couldn't ignore her dry throat any longer, and Kelly couldn't remain still and eat the pain. He let her get up first, mainly because he was scarred his legs wouldn't be able to support his weight, and he would end up on the floor.

Surprisingly, to him, he successfully made his way into the living room, in search of his t-shirt. The previous night was a blur, the wave of emotions that had hit him having taken away a few memories.

Stopping by the table, Kelly grabbed his blood-stained t-shirt, his gaze falling upon his mobile, the illuminated display showing four missed calls and three messages. Casey…Boden…Kelly didn't bother switching off the silent mode, he wasn't in a mood for dealing with any of them.

He heard steps from behind and automatically tensed up, anticipating Erin's question…

"Have you told them where you are?"

He shook his head for a no.

When Kelly turned to face her, she pushed a dark red shirt in his hands, looking at him as if she expecting a verbal answer to her enquiry. "I've washed it after…the last time you were here." She remembered that afternoon, the day before the warehouse explosion, the one that had claimed Shay's life…Kelly had been in a hurry to get to the firehouse for Boden's wedding the following morning, forgetting about the shirt on the floor…

Lindsay studied him as he struggled to put it on without hurting himself any further, clearly in pain when he lifted his arms…he had lost weight, and only then did she realize she had no idea when he had eaten for the last time…actually, she didn't quite know when she had eaten for the last time.

Kelly sat down, focusing his attention on the wall to avoid meeting her gaze. "I'm just tired of dealing with…Casey."

Instead of replying, Erin disappeared into the kitchen and returned a minute later with two bowls and a bottle of milk, a box of cereal under her armpit.

"Why?" She mumbled, distributing breakfast to the bowls before placing one in front of her fireman, Kelly ignoring the food…she walked back into the kitchen and brought two spoons, then waved one in front of Kelly's face until he finally took it.

"He's your friend." Erin reasoned, taking a seat opposite him.

"Yeah?" Kelly snarled, swallowing a mouthful of cereal. "It doesn't feel like it."…His stomach protested, still not fully up to regular food…he dumped the spoon into the bowl and moved in his seat uncomfortably, finding no relief for the physical pain.

"They gave you anything for the pain?"

"Yeah but after what happened last time…can't risk it. I owe Shay that much."

It was nonsense…fear…but Lindsay couldn't force him to, she wasn't that strong, not anymore…

She finished her breakfast and pushed the empty bowl aside. "Boden?"

Kelly rubbed his eyes and then ran his fingers through his hair, wishing for the questions to stop and –

"Kelly." She urged. "Talk to me."

"Was supposed to go to the firehouse with him this morning."

"Okay, let's go."

"What?" He uttered in confusion, eyebrows pulled closer together.

"You can't hide here forever."

"Isn't that what you've been doing?!"

It hit her…right there, where her heart was supposed to be, but it was already scattered in a million pieces anyway. "That's not fair." She rose to her feet and walked away, stopping by the window…it was different, Nadia…it was all her fault…

Kelly followed her, his glassy eyes peering through the window, watching a young couple walking on the street. "I'll talk to Boden if you go see your team."

"That's - "

"It's not." He cut her off, tons of memories he wanted to erase rushing in his head. "A year ago I ran away to a God forsaken place with nothing but alcohol…as long as I was there I wouldn't have to…deal with it. Wanted to believe Shay was home, that it was just a dream…but deep down in the sober moments I knew if I came back she wouldn't be here…so I didn't... Even after I came back I thought that I could just go on, pretend nothing's happened. As long I was on shift, or out partying I didn't need to face it…I was avoiding everyone, was scarred that they might say something, mention her name maybe, tell me she was gone…and when people started talking I ran further away…I was lucky I met Brittany in Vegas or it would have ended then."

Lindsay buried her head in her hands, unable to mask the welling tears…yes, they were cut from the same cloth, as if they shared the same destiny even. "I've not been in her room yet." She turned and faced him, the solemn expression on his face bringing her additional pain. "It's…her room." She uttered, her voice lower than a whisper.

Her room…their apartment…if it hadn't been for Casey he wouldn't have gone in there, ever…Casey…

Kelly wrapped his hands around her, pulling her closer in a tight hug, her chin gently resting on his healthier shoulder. She sobbed, and it took him a lot of self-control not to do the same. "I'll meet Boden, you talk to Voight, and then…then we'll go to her room, okay?"

Her hair brushed against his face as she moved her head up and down for a yes…she remained in his clasp a little longer, wishing he'd never let go…

Xxx

"I will." Boden vowed before he disconnected the call to Donna and placed his phone on top of his desk next to the mountain of paperwork he couldn't focus enough on to complete.

He reached for the top folder, but froze when he heard voices coming from Connie's office, then Kelly Severide appeared at the door, clearly debating with himself whether to go in or run away.

"Kelly." Chief stood up and motioned for his lieutenant to enter, then pointed one of the vacant chairs in front of the desk.

Severide hesitated, but he didn't want to test how much longer his legs would support him, the walk from Lindsay's car to the office having already tired him enough. So he stepped in, then lowered himself onto the chair, feeling as if Boden was examining his every movement.

"Look, Chief, I'm sorry for this morning." Kelly decided to speak first, hoping his superior would just let it go. "Had to clear my head."

Boden got the hint…he'd known Kelly for twenty, no twenty-four years, ever since he had followed Benny to the firehouse one cold day, and then he had shadowed him, Wallace, not his own dad…when Boden had asked why, well Chief remembered the answer clearly, an answer implying that he shouldn't press further…so Chief could easily tell whether Kelly would share what was on his mind, or push everyone away.

"It helped?"

"Yeah…yeah, it did." Severide was hoping it had helped his girl, too…Maybe he should have reached out sooner, after all he had been through the same not long ago. He lifted his head, not the time for such thoughts…"Been busy?" His eyes pointed the pile of paperwork.

"Huh." Chief snarled, an angry smile on his face. "There are some…changes going on in headquarters. So now we should probably let the entire city burn down to have enough time to revise old paperwork!"

"Nice timing…to be off duty." A fake grin appeared on Kelly's face, a smile that couldn't fool the older man.

Boden smirked, ready to jump onto the next…problem. "Casey said the same thing."

"Casey's here?"

"He's been looking for you all morning - "

"I've not asked for it!" Kelly grumbled, the look Boden shot him telling him to shut up.

"Kelly." Chief paused, patiently waiting for his lieutenant to meet his gaze. "I don't know what's happened between the two of you, but you have to get through this together."

" _Like when you decided Squad doesn't vent right before Darden went up in flames."_ The lieutenant moved his eyes to the door and then back to his superior. "You're right…you don't." He murmured more to himself, but Chief heard it.

"Kelly - "

"I'll…I'll talk to him when we're done here."

Boden sighed, but for now he'd have to live with the sharp reply he got. "Okay." He picked up a folder with the name Kelly Severide printed on top, and then took the first sheet out. "Your doctor's recommended that you take at least three more weeks off before they do a full physical and psychological evaluation…"

Xxx

"Okay, what is going on?" Herrmann demanded when he found Casey sat in his quarters, currently Christopher's temporary office, a photo of Matt, Kelly and Andy they all had seen many times in the younger lieutenant's hands. Herrmann closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed, not ready to leave without an answer to why Boden had been overly grumpy and on the edge all day, constantly checking his mobile, and now Matt, dressed in his civil clothes, was there too, having already had a long conversation with the Chief.

"It's been nearly three years…"

"Sometimes I can still hear him…laughing." Christopher admitted, his mind presenting the image of Andy chuckling at the lieutenants' joke on their way to the fire that…that had claimed Darden's life.

Instead of answering his friend's earlier question, Matt jumped to his feet when he spotted Kelly walking slowly along the corridor leading to the bunk area, people around exchanging confused looks.

"Hey." Christopher uttered to get Casey's attention. "Whatever it is, just fix it…you remember Darden's speech when you and Severide blamed each other for that water rescue?!"

"Yeah." He did remember, every single word of it. "Thanks, Herrmann." Matt patted his relief lieutenant on the back, then placed the photo on his desk, Christopher taking it as a sign to leave.

"Kelly." Herrmann greeted the Squad's leader with a small smile and headed toward the kitchen area, giving the two lieutenants the privacy they needed.

Kelly muttered a "hey" and stepped into the small room, then leaned against the doorframe in an attempt to hide the physical pain he was in. "You don't want him getting too comfy in here?" He muttered, not sure what else to say.

"It's all his for the next three shifts."

"This long, huh?' Severide asked awkwardly, just now realizing he didn't know much about Matt's physical status. "I got three…weeks. Before I get the chance to fail on the psych test." He finished with a huff, doing nothing all day definitely not helping him recover.

Matt snickered, rubbing the back of his neck as he sat on the edge of his desk, his mind taking him back in time to when their class at the Academy had had a psychological test, followed by a one-to-one meeting with an old-school shrink…Andy being Andy had been goofing around all week, not taking his private meeting seriously, resulting in him nearly failing…nearly, Boden had pulled some strings…"It wasn't your fault."

"Huh?"

"Andy…I shouldn't have said it. Didn't mean it." It was a weak apology, an apology that couldn't heal the open wound…but it was all a broken man could offer to another one…and it was a start.

"It's…it's okay." Severide uttered in response, hoping the blonde lieutenant wouldn't notice the trembling of his hands, the muscle pain in his arms getting stronger, starting to control him, his emotions, his sharp responses…

But Casey did, and he didn't like what he saw. It wasn't okay, nothing was okay…and fixing it was hard, maybe impossible even? "You okay?"

" _Do it."_ Kelly pressed his eyes shut…it was him trying to talk, to beg to blonde man with a gun in his hands to just pull him out of his misery. "Yeah…" He nodded, resting his gaze on the photo lying on Casey's desk. "Yeah." He took a deep breath, the intake of oxygen easing the pain a bit. "Ahhh, damn it, man, every time I close my eyes I see…you, with that gun - "

"I wouldn't have…" Matt's voice suddenly died out…damn, he'd been that close to doing it…

"You don't know that…and you don't know - " Kelly paused and raised his hand, the words getting stuck at the bottom of his throat…the words that he had wanted him to pull the damn trigger and end it once and for all. "Let's just forget about it, okay?"

"No." Casey shook his head, not prepared to let his friend fall back into the black hole by avoiding dealing with…stuff…Matt just couldn't lose him, too, not after everything they've been through, together. His mind was going back and forth to Gabby and their unborn child at the hospital, but this time he had to prioritize – Dawson was stable enough…Kelly was losing it. "Let's go home, you take your painkillers…and we talk…about everything."

"I can't - "

"Kelly - "

"I see her death body everywhere, Matt! Katya…then me and Dawson…"

"I know." There was a hint in Casey's tone saying he had the same problem, the image of Katya haunting him. "But we have to…have to move on, right?"

Move on…he wanted to move on, to leave it all behind finally. Kelly hesitated for a long moment before formulating his answer. "Yeah."

"Then let's make the first step, huh? Together."

* * *

 **First, THANK YOU everyone for reading and the continues support, thank you to all of you without an account who I cannot pm back, your kind words mean a lot to me! :) Unfortunately, right now I can only update once a week, but I hope the long chapters make up for it.**

 **So, some more Kelly/Erin in this update, I think it's important for them to establish that bond first before jumping into the more romantic stuff, but hey, I promise some romantic stuff in the next update. So now they both have to face their demons, we'll see how it goes soon. And Kelly and Matt finally had some sort of a normal conversation that will be continued, they both have a lot to work on. We'll see where it's going to lead to. I really miss the potential Boden/Kelly fatherly interaction that could happen on the show, so hey, I'm creating it here, hope you guys like it, too.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment, and thank you so much again! :)**


	7. As long as I'm with you

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" -**_ **memories**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

 **As long as I'm with you**

"Coffee!" Oleg raised his voice in annoyance, the middle aged man behind the counter of the small café in the capital of Bulgaria nodding his head up and down to show he understood. "You serve food in here?"

The man blinked, then shrugged his shoulders, his eyes begging his client to find another way to explain. Oleg opened his mouth to yell for chips when –

"Banitchki." A tall man, Oleg's age, ordered from behind the Russian. He stepped closer, raising two fingers, the owner greeting him with a smile. He turned around and headed toward the back of the small café to bring the chees-filled pastries.

The man rested his hand on top of Oleg's shoulder…a hugged was exchanged next.

"Oleg."

"Grigor. Thanks for meeting me."

"Long time no see." The Bulgarian exclaimed, motioning for his friend to follow him to one of the outside tables.

"Been busy." Oleg hissed, sitting down. "I guess you've heard?"

"Yes. And Ivo's not happy." Grigor stated as a matter of fact, talking about Oleg's cousin, who was higher up in the hierarchy. "You said you need my help, but I don't know what I can do…or what you can do for me in return."

"Your friends still in Chicago?"

"Yes…some of them. What's on your mind?"

Xxx

Matt and Kelly got out of the taxi and headed for their apartment building, Casey leading the way in silent misery…he remembered the days back at the Academy when they could talk about anything, when Kelly had been able to share his secrets with them, with him…

Truck's lieutenant inserted the key into the lock and stepped into the apartment, already prepared for the smell of death, of blood…the place had been cleaned thoroughly, everything had been put back in place, Antonio had made sure not even a drop of blood remained…and yet, they could see it, in their heads, could see the lifeless girl…

Hesitantly, Kelly followed his friend inside, focusing his eyes on one point on the wall, away from when he had seen Katya, away from where Oleg had stood…

"Thought we'd make a home out of this place." Casey finally broke the silence, stepping closer to the window in the living room. "After Hallie...was hoping for a family, right here."

"Ahhh, man." Severide muttered, not leaving his spot in the middle of the living room…home, he'd had one with Shay, homeless since… "You still have a family"

"Even if the baby survives." Matt shook his head, that thought making him sick. "There might be permanent damage, brain - "

"They don't know yet, right?"

"Right."

"Then don't…don't give up just yet." Severide shrugged his shoulders despite the sharp pain…don't give up, yeah, easier said than done…don't give up on your family, on the one you love, Erin…but did she love him back? She had been there for him the previous night, but was is just sympathy, or something more? Who would want to be with someone so messed up?!

"I'm not!" Matt snapped, giving up – something he couldn't afford to do. "I'm just being a realist, I guess." His voice slowly died out, his glassy eyes – staring through the window...

Kelly couldn't stay motionless any longer, the burning sensation around his neck urging him to move, to somehow suppress it…without any more drugs, without any more painkillers…he wasn't going to go there again, he owed Shay…He walked into the kitchen, a huge lump suddenly growing in his throat when he had to step on the area where…where he had seen Katya's dead body…he made it to the sink, struggling to take a breath…when had he become so damn weak? He had seen so many horrific scenes in his life, dead people, crushed people, burnt people…then why the hell was the image of the lifeless girl still haunting him?!

"Gabby and I were talking." Casey's voice startled the Squad's lieutenant…Kelly turned around only to find Matt at the doorway, looking at him as if expecting some input. "We should find another place. For the three…four of us."

"No." Kelly shook his head and turned his back to Matt, reached for an empty glass before he finally got the desired glass of water…the cold liquid slowly melting the lump in his throat. "It's time I got my own place, man. This was supposed to be just for a little while…it's been over a year."

"And I said you can stay as long as you need - "

"Well I need to figure things out on my own now."

"Kelly - "

"No…it's nothing to do with…us. You and Dawson need your own space, I need mine." Kelly paused, letting his eyes dart around the room. "Away from here."

Casey sighed, not liking the idea of living his hurting friend alone. "At least find a roommate." His voice was begging. "Where were you last night, anyway?"

Severide hesitated for a little while, struggling to find the right words, struggling to trust enough to admit where he had gone. "A friend's place." He muttered in the end. "I'll figure something out."

"But you stay with us until you do, right?" Matt pressed a bit too hard, the painful grimace on Severide's face telling his he might have gone too far.

"I…I don't know." Severide leaned his back on the worktop. "This place…I want to forget, move on, but everything here just keeps reminding me…ahhh, they need to find that son of a bitch and - "

"Antonio promised they are not going to stop looking, until…until he gets what he deserves." The blonde lieutenant took a step forward, then gave his friend a gentle squeeze on the shoulder…Matt didn't hide his shock when Severide jumped backwards to avoid another touch, Kelly's lips emitting a soft yelp when his elbow hit the worktop.

Casey froze, then made two steps backwards, cursing himself. "Sev, I'm sorry - "

Kelly bit his bottom lip and raised his hand to indicate it was okay, surprised by his own reaction…this was Matt, his…friend... _"Do it."_

Matt gave up on pushing for more information. Maybe it was for the better…maybe their talk was the start of the long way toward fixing their broken friendship…or maybe Kelly was shutting him out once again, and he was letting it happen. "Okay, let's get the hell out of here…maybe "Carmine's" for some real food." He suggested, afraid what his friend's reaction would be…and Casey felt relieved when Severide's body relaxed and he met his gaze once again.

"Italian for lunch?" Kelly smirked, not sure when he had had real food for the last time.

"The closest decent place we can walk to."

"True."

Xxx

The lights turned red and Erin jumped on the brake, her car coming to an abrupt stop…her mind was replaying the talk she had just had with Voight…but it felt somehow good, to finally have a purpose in life again, to have something to fight for, something she had given up on…

 _xxx_

 _Lindsay leaned on the wall of District Twenty-one, her eyes fixed on a tiny stone on the ground…she was seized with fear, with uncertainty, with guilt…how was she supposed to look her team in the eye now?_

" _It's going to be a hell of a storm."_

 _Erin jumped, the voice prompting her to look up…she met Platt's concerned eyes, and for a moment, Erin felt as if she was going to burst into tears…she suppressed a sob, trying to find words to finally reply. "Huh?" It was all she managed to utter._

" _You know, after a warm day such dark clouds usually mean a storm's coming." The Sergeant pointed the black sky, and as if only then did the detective notice the sudden weather change…she didn't care._

" _You coming inside or you want me to get him out here?" Platt pressed further._

 _Erin hesitated…for a long moment. She had promised him…damn Kelly Severide. "Yeah." She nodded in the end, and she could swear she saw a smile cross Platt's face._

 _The Sergeant turned and headed for the stairs leading inside, and Lindsay followed, ignoring the tightness in the stomach._

" _They are all upstairs." Platt warned her gently, unlocking the door leading to Intelligence…_

 _xxx_

Someone honked their horns and Lindsay snapped back to the present, the light in front of her – green. She pressed the gas pedal and soon turned onto her street, then parked in front of her apartment building and headed upstairs toward her place, to think…

Reaching the third floor, she stopped, her attention directed at the figure of a man sitting on the stairs. "Kelly?"

"I…" He stood up, still dressed in the same shirt she had given him in the morning. "Couldn't stay there…Casey went to see Dawson." Well, it still didn't explain why he had ended up at Lindsay's again…but maybe she knew…and maybe a part of her was happy he was there, meaning he would get the support he needed…meaning she wouldn't have to be alone, too…

"Tried calling you." She smiled, then inserted the key into the lock of her door.

Waiting for her to let them in, he pulled out his phone, seeing the missed call. "Yeah…have to get a new one…getting smashed on the floor by an insane Russian guy might've been too much for this one to take…been behaving funny…." His voice died out as Lindsay slowly walked inside, and he followed, unsure what exactly he was supposed to do there…but if felt like the right thing to do…

Kelly had to press his eyes shut for a moment when a lightning struck outside, the whole living room getting much brighter for a split second…A loud thunder sounded, marking the start of the promised storm, heavy rain…

"Guess we'll never get our food if we order dinner now." Erin huffed.

"Cook?" He shrugged just as another loud thunder followed.

"Yeah…I've got rice…and there might some frozen chicken in the freezer." The expression on her face clouded once again, heavy memories rushing in her head. "Nadia…never got…" Erin paused…stupid birthday cake, stupid birthday, stupid…stupid her for not protecting the younger girl as promised. "Never got the chance to go food shopping." She found the strength to finish, but when she was done, she couldn't stop the tears anymore…

For a second time that day he pulled her closer to himself, both feeling safe in a tight hug. "We have to…have to continue without them, right?"

"I can't…I can't." Erin sobbed, maybe she shouldn't have brought Hank's hopes up…

 _xxx_

" _You ready to come back?" Voight looked at the slightly shaky frame of his girl, sensing the uncertainty in her voice, in her movements, in the way she was trying to avoid his eyes._

" _I…I don't know." She answered truthfully, no point in hiding her emotions from the man who was like a father to her. "Need to try…"_

 _Hank leaned back in his chair…he couldn't let her run around the city with a gun, chasing the bad guys, not yet. But he couldn't push her away…she had come to him, it had been all he had been hoping, it was a step forward…_

" _Okay." He nodded, then ran his fingers through his hair before focusing his attention back at her. "You start on desk duty tomorrow." After Nadia, they needed someone to take care of all the paperwork, needed someone to research, to dig information…it would keep her busy, healing. "Erin, I can't let you out on the street yet. But when you know for sure you're ready, you come here and tell me in my face…"_

 _xxx_

"Hey." Kelly touched her cheek…that warm, soft skin…"C'mon, let's go to her room." He reminded her of the promise they had given in the morning…and she nodded, not letting go of his hand.

Xxx

" _It's small but - "_

" _But it's more than anyone's ever given me." Nadia finished Erin's sentence, wrapping the woman who had saved her from the streets of Chicago in a hug._

 _xxx_

Lindsay took a deep breath and put the last pair of Nadia's jeans into a bag where the rest of the contents of her wardrobe was, the room now empty…they were going to donate everything…at least they would bring a smile to someone's face. "Kelly." She gently grabbed his wrist. "Thank you for doing this with me."

He put his other hand on top of hers and squeezed tightly, unable to find the right words to say the same…because if he wasn't there with her, he'd have ended up in a random bar, just like a year earlier, and then…then maybe to a place close to his Shay, like he had wished for many times in the past year.

She didn't need to hear it…his sole presence there was enough.

"So, where's that chicken?" He broke the silence, a small smile now dancing on his face despite the physical and mental pain.

"Check the freezer." She smiled back, that face and that husky voice making him feel like a teenager having his first crush.

Erin gabbed one of the black bags containing clothes, wrapped the end around her fingers and tied it. The bag remained in her grasp as she watched Kelly grab another one with heavier items full to the top. He pushed a hairdryer down, and began tying it…until a soft hand touched his arm and he stopped, then turned to face Erin in confusion.

"I'll move these bags out of here, you go dig out the chicken."

"Deal." Kelly's smile grew wider as he put the bag back down, the way he accepted the suggestion without arguing telling her that his pain had reached a new level…

It was twenty-five minutes later when the microwave dinged, the display reading 'ready'. Severide took the plate with three chicken breast out just as Erin walked into the kitchen, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She could still feel Nadia's presence, it was their home, but if she ever wanted to move on -

"You've got onions?" Kelly's random question pulled her out of her thoughts. Vegetables…she observed his slow movements as he grabbed a chopping board and a knife.

"I…" Her voice died out and Lindsay fixed her eyes on one of the cupboards for a few seconds, before shaking her head, her expression clouding quickly. "Nadia got us some onion powder…"

"Erin - "

"No." She uttered and Kelly decided not to get any closer…he remembered when…the times when he had wanted to deal with it on his own, the need to do it alone despite people offering him hugs and kind words. "Everything's in that cupboard." She pointed the space behind his back, prompting him to turn around and open the small door, his hand landing on a spicebox.

"Nice selection…onion powder wouldn't have been my first choice, but it would do."

"When did you learn so much about onions?" She quipped, joining him at the worktop as he began chopping the meat.

"Shay." He offered a weak reply, his gaze remaining focused on their dinner. But as he finished chopping the second chicken breast, her hand rested on his back. Erin gently rubbed small circles around, careful not to touch any of the wounds…and it felt so nice, her touch, having someone there for him. "Her family owns a restaurant…we used to cook together, I learned a thing or two…"

She met his gaze, her brows arched. "Never knew you're the cooking type."

"Whaaat?" Kelly laughed at her amused face, then reached for the bag of rice in the same cupboard. "You think I've had takeaways all my life?"

"Yes." Erin chuckled, deciding it might actually be nice to give him a hand…she knelt on the floor to dig out the wok she had shoved into one of the bottom cupboards.

"Just give me that." He snatched the pan in one hand, using the free one to help her stand up.

She silently observed as he put the wok onto the stove, poured a tiny bit of sunflower oil into it, and added the chicken, sizzling sound quickly filling up the room.

"You should have pan-toasted the rice first."

Kelly used a bamboo spatula to turn around each piece of chicken, enjoying their first moment of normalcy in a long time, Erin's mocking voice – bringing a smile back to his face. "I will." He replied, leaving the spatula down and reaching for salt, and cumin. "Watch and learn…"

Xxx

Jack Nesbitt left his spoon on the tray his dinner had been served on and looked at his orange prison-onesie…Voight had turned his life into a hell, and the only escape Jack could think of wouldn't even lead him close to being a free man, not in the next twenty years at least. But his testimony against Oleg and the Eastern-European group holding girls against their will would at least get him out of the hole he was currently in, and maybe, maybe Voight would leave him alone so he could serve his time as quietly as possible, hoping to see the outside world again one day.

"Okay, dinner's over." A guard shouted from the doorway, and the inmates started getting up…

Nesbitt's eyes detected a quick movement before him…and then blinding pain in his stomach, something sharp penetrating his flesh…blood…

"Oleg says hi."

Those were the last words Jack heard before his world went blank…

Xxx

"This was amazing." Erin grinned as she finished her meal, noticing her fireman's plate was still half-full, Kelly not interested in the food anymore. "You're in too much pain."

"It's okay." He uttered with a small smile, not wanting to go there again, but the reality, and the pain were claiming him back, ending the few normal hours they had had.

She shot him a glance that indicating she didn't believe him, then stood up. "Take off your shirt."

"That easy?" Kelly snickered, the smile turning into a grimace when a new wave of pain hit him.

"No." Lindsay smiled back and disappeared into the bathroom, returning a minute later with a rusty-orange cream that looked home-made. "Hank's cure…for all sorts of wounds." Well, it couldn't heal a broken soul. "It will make it better." She added, removing the lid of the stinky substance.

"Saved by Voight, again…" Kelly snarled, opting not to ask what it contained. He just did as told, dumping his shirt on the chair and letting her cover his arms and shoulders with the cream...

Ten minutes later he positioned himself on the couch, a little voice inside his head asking him how long exactly he planned on staying there…he couldn't just move in to her place without asking her first. But he pushed those thoughts away, feeling the relief Hank's magic cream brought.

Erin walked into the living room, having taken the cream back to its place in her first aid kit, her eyes landing on one of the bags of Nadia's stuff…her DVD collection…movies they had seen so many times together…

"You up for a movie?' Lindsay looked directly into those two blue eyes.

"What've you got?" A small smile lit up Kelly's face, the thought of spending more time with her - enough to cheer him up.

"Armageddon?"

He grinned…"Shay loved it."

It was her clue to grab the top DVD. She inserted the disc into the player, grabbed a blanket, and snuggled next to him on the couch…

* * *

 **Okay, Kelly and Lindsay deserved a few hours of happiness, just enjoying each other's company, being there for each other and forgetting about the outside world...unfortunately this won't last long. Sev and Matt finally talked, but their friendship is still very far from being fixed. And Lindsay kept her promise and faced her demons, you can tell papa Voight was happy to have her back...but that Oleg guy, hmmm, yeah, I've not forgotten about him, and he's not forgotten about the firemen. Someone has to to take him down, and we'll soon see the drama this will create.**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and followed, I hope you like this update, please let me know what you think! :)**


	8. Save my daughter

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" –**_ **memories**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 **Save my daughter**

***Three weeks later***

"Kelly!" Erin yelled when their morning jog escalated into Lindsay having to chase Kelly down as he sprinted ahead on the long alley going along the river. "Wait!" She demanded, stopping to catch her breath, resting her palms on her knees…yes, he had definitely regained strength, their everyday workout session having helped.

Erin sighed in frustration as Kelly finally slowed down and stopped. She observed him as he stepped to the right onto the grass and then leaned against the nearest tree. He slid all the way down, fixing his eyes on the open space ahead.

Lindsay sat next to him, then placed her hand on top of his. "I'm not letting you do this."

"I can't go there." His voice was down to a whisper, pain radiating from every word.

"You said you and Casey - "

"We did talk." Kelly cut her off, finding it hard to formulate the argument in his head. "It's not because of him. Just can't go to that apartment again…"

"Hey." She squeezed his hand and he finally turned to meet her gaze. "It's been three weeks. You're the reason I'm in one piece today, but I'm starting to think you're once again avoiding dealing with what happened…you need to go home, Kelly."

He bit his bottom lip. Silence.

"You're on shift tomorrow, at least go get your stuff." She reasoned once again, feeling as if their talk was going nowhere.

Kelly remained motionless for another long minute, figuring out exactly what to tell her…she was right, he had been hiding in her place for three weeks already, and she hadn't asked questions but had let him stay instead, needing him just as much as he needed her.

"Casey and Dawson are moving to a new place." He blurted out. "Next weekend."

Okay, new information…Lindsay looked at him with arched brows, the expression on her face asking why he hadn't shared that with her earlier. "And you?"

"I'll figure it out."

Yes, this was going nowhere, she saw it in his eyes. But she had every intention of going back to the subject in the evening when she came back from work…the job she had thanks to Kelly Severide. Voight was still keeping her on desk duty, and frankly said, she wasn't sure she would ever be ready to go out on the field again, to protect people…

"Bring your stuff to my place until you do." Erin offered, not letting go of his shaky hand.

But Kelly just grimaced, the idea of having to spend even five minutes in the apartment where an innocent girl had been killed, where a gun had been pointed at him, making him sick. Those images were still haunting him, in his sleep, during the day…constantly. He had no idea how he had passed the psych evaluation two days earlier…

"I'll ask Casey to…to bring what I need for shift to the firehouse tomorrow."

Sensing he was on the edge of completely losing it, Erin dropped it, for now. They sat there in silence until Kelly pulled it together just enough to walk to her car, and then back to her place, Erin getting to work late that morning.

Xxx

The day was a quiet one for Intelligence anyway…it was approaching home time, Erin sat at her desk, her eyes staring at the computer screen, but her mind was miles away…she had good days, and bad ones – that one was definitely a bad day, her inability to help her fireman bringing a train of question to her head, making her doubt herself, doubt whether she had lost that little thing needed to help people, whether she should quit the pathetic job she was doing, because Voight could definitely do without someone correcting old paperwork…whether she should admit the old Erin was gone and the new one needed a new job, one where she couldn't screw up lives…she had always wondered what having a nine-to-five job in a bank was like…

"Okay, listen up!" Voight's hoarse voice brought her back to reality, Jay, Antonio, Olinsky and Atwater looking up. "Jack Nesbitt's awake. They don't know for how long they can keep him stable, so Erin, let's go, now!"

Lindsay didn't move. She definitely didn't feel like joining Hank for an interrogation…not yet.

People were staring at her, nodding their heads as if to encourage her…"Pick someone else." She muttered, not missing the hurt expression that flashed through Hank's face.

"Antonio, let's roll!"

Xxx

Kelly put the tray of chicken thighs and spicy potatoes in the oven, grabbed a beer from the fridge and positioned himself on the couch, flinching when his arm came in contact with the back of the couch…the pain wasn't that sharp anymore, but it was there, as if never intending to leave…and every time he felt that burning sensation his mind took him back to that damp room, presenting him with the image of Casey and the gun…there was no escaping…only, only when Erin was there, next to him, he felt alive again. He needed her, desperately…

His phone beeped, but he ignored the text…he couldn't deal with Casey and another invitation to get his ass back to their apartment and collect his stuff. Gabby was out of the hospital, but on complete bed rest. Her mom was there to help, especially when Casey was on shift…too many people in the apartment, too many memories…no, he couldn't go. He had already asked Matt to drop his rucksack with all the necessities for shift to the fire station the following morning.

His phone beeped again. Kelly exhaled in annoyance but pick the device up, surprised to see the texts were from Erin.

 _#1: Got a lead on an important case. Hank needs us all here._

 _#2: Save some chicken for me._

Well, dinner plans – cancelled.

With nothing to take his mind off his upcoming return to Firehouse Fifty-one, to the people he had been avoiding for weeks, Kelly took a swing of his beer and turned on the sports channel…

Xxx

"Lieutenant."

"Not now Otis." Matt grumbled, slamming the door of his locker shut, Kelly's rucksack positioned on the bench. Matt could barely keep his eyes open, not sure when the last time he had had a good night's sleep had been. On top of the nightmares keeping him awake, he worried about Gabby and their unborn child constantly…he couldn't lose them, not his family, not the only thing keeping from falling apart…he worried about Kelly, too. Had tried to reach out so many times already, had called, had left messages, had met him in person, getting nowhere in persuading his friend to face his demons and not hide.

"Casey." Boden called from the doorway, Otis deciding to leave, apparently no one was interested in his problems. "A word in my office."

The lieutenant obeyed, opting to remain standing, arms folded.

"How are you doing?"

Matt was sick of that question, sick of having to lie, to pretend everything was fine, to be the tough guy, a leader. "Holding up, Chief."

"Yeah." Boden smirked, having heard the very same answer to the same question from Kelly. "Casey, if you need some time off - "

"Thanks, Chief, but no. Gabby's mom's been helping, and what I really need is something to keep me occupied until…" Until when, Matt asked himself, until the baby was born? Until he figured out a way to lock the memories away somewhere deep in his mind? Until he knew Nesbitt was over, because right now Jack was in a coma, neither dead, nor alive. Until Oleg got what he deserved? "I'm fine, Chief."

"Severide's fine, too, huh?" Boden barked, not a trace of his calm voice anymore. "I need to know my lieutenants can do their job, but right now one cannot keep his eyes open, and the other's pretending nothing's happened!"

Kelly fine? How was he supposed to know when he hadn't seen him in days, hadn't seen him for more than half an hour in weeks. "I don't know, Chief. Heard from Antonio he's been crashing at Lindsay's."

"Get through to - "

" _Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, a structure fire - "_

Fruitless conversation…Chief sighed and followed the blonde lieutenant out of his office. As Boden got in his car, Kelly ran across the apparatus floor, a stony expression on his face…Chief watched his lieutenants get in their respective trucks, both of them – shadows of their former self.

Xxx

"My daughter!" A man ran toward Chief, waving his hands frantically. "My daughter's still inside!" It was bad, a multi-floor apartment building, people running out, fire spreading out quickly, too much smoke.

Casey and Kelly joined them before Boden had the chance to ask questions, rest of their men – standing by, waiting for orders to be yelled.

"Apartment Three-one-one." The man cried, prompting the Chief to look up, big parts of the third floor engulfed in flames.

That accent…

"Squad, you've got two minutes tops! Find that girl" Boden barked, looking at Kelly who turned around, ordered Capp to follow him and ran towards the entrance, more trucks arriving meanwhile. "Truck Eighty-one, start helping people out. Take Cruz and Tony!"

That accent…Kelly knew it so well…was hearing it every single night in his sleep…eastern-european. It couldn't be related. He shook his head as he climbed the stairs, feeling the heat…another set of stairs, and they were on the third floor, coming face to face with the hungry flames…Severide looked around, locating a narrow path along the wall that wasn't yet engulfed in flames.

"Let's move!" He yelled and Capp made a step forward. A second later a massive piece of ceiling collapsed behind the two Squad members, cutting off their escape route. "Crap! Chief, find us another way out!" Kelly barked over the radio, motioning for Capp to keep going…they had to get to that girl, then to a window…

" _It's a dead-end corridor, Severide!"_

" _The aerial's not an option!"_ Mouch didn't succeed in hiding the rising panic in his voice.

" _Clean a way out, Otis!"_ Casey ordered.

Kelly was only half listening, his focus remaining on getting to the kid. Apartment 308…309…"What the hell?!"

" _Severide!"_

"Run! Out! Now!" Kelly yelled, pointing the route they had just come through…the route through the flames. No time for plan B.

Capp didn't need to be told twice, he trusted his lieutenant with his life…the Squad member headed for the fiery inferno, Kelly just a step behind.

" _Severide! Capp!"_

" _Kelly."_ The urgency in Matt's tone matched Boden's.

Severide wasn't sure whether their gear would be that heat resistant. Take your chance…or die, get blown up, in seconds, no girl, there was no apartment three-one-one…just a deadly trap…Capp disappeared out of sight, and all Kelly could see was the orange-red color of the flames…hot, hell…damn it, running out of oxygen.

" _Casey - "_

"BOOM!"

Xxx

"Start talking!" Voight's fist connected with the little nightstand in Nesbitt's hospital room, making Antonio jump slightly. "Now! Or I'll make sure that if you live long enough, they put you in a cell with the scumbag who sent you here!"

"Told you…everything I know..." Jack barely had the energy to force those words out.

"Who's helping Oleg?" Antonio barked, balling up his fists. "WHERE?!"

Voight wanted to scream, to hit, hit Nesbitt's face, but he had to play the game. "Okay. Forget about the deal." He shot Dawson a look urging him to leave. "Let's go."

Nesbitt squeezed his eyes shut…that deal – he was a dead man without it…he might be a dead man with it…

Voight opened the door, Jack's heart rate going up…he needed that deal, his only chance.

"No…" Jack uttered, and Antonio turned his head around, Hank remaining dead serious at the doorway, the guard outside watching in confusion.

"Go get a coffee." Voight ordered in undertone, officer…James not daring to protest.

"You have one minute." Dawson grumbled, pointing his watch.

"Oleg…" Yes, Nesbitt was definitely terrified. "He's got family in Bulgaria."

"What family?!"

"A cousin. His…boss." Jack coughed violently, neither Voight, nor Antonio helping him sit up. He would be dead already if it was up to them. "He always cleans up Oleg's…mess…me."

"You said he's in Bulgaria?!"

"He's got men here…some are in jail…others - walking freely, running his business in North America…Oleg was the boss here…screwed up big time."

"YOU THINK?!" Antonio leaned dangerously close to his prey, Hank pulling him back.

"I know them well! They're going after anyone who would testify…me, Casey, Kelly, Dawson…anyone."

"What - "

"They've been in the business for fifteen years, detective! And so far no one's lived to testify!"

"Names! Now!"

Xxx

"SEVERIDE! CAPP!"

A moan escaped Kelly's lips…he could hear the deafening sound of his own PASS alarm…it was a good sign, he told himself, he was still alive.

"Capp!" Someone yelled from…from the hallway maybe? "No…come on!" It was Cruz, the urgency in his voice unmistakable.

"Severide!"

It was Chief turning him around, someone else pulling off his mask…right, his tank was empty…Chief to the rescue…it meant it was serious.

"Kelly, you hurt?" Matt's voice was softer.

" _Chief, Capp's in bad shape!"_

Those words coming from Boden's radio were enough to bring Severide back to reality. He sat up before either man could stop him…looked around…yes, he had jumped into the nearest apartment, fire…ah damn, all that smoke, he couldn't take a breath…oxygen. "No." He muttered…nothing felt broken, nothing was bleeding…the sharp pain in his right shoulder and neck was a different story. "Capp!"

" _You have to get out!"_ Herrmann was barking orders himself, probably watching the horrific scene from the street.

"Casey, help Cruz, get Capp out!" Boden ordered, wrapping Kelly's arm around his neck and helping him get up.

"C'mon Otis, we need that way out cleared, now!" Matt shouted, running ahead on the narrow corridor to where Cruz was trying to bring the fallen Squad member back to live, having already put out the flames eating his skin.

No time for that, that building was going to bury them alive any second now, the floor - too unstable, the ceiling…what was left of it…

Chief was carrying Kelly's whole weight on his shoulders, dragging him out, for the first time glad his lieutenant had lost weight.

"Go go go!" Casey's voice sounded from the floor below, and Boden correctly guessed the blonde lieutenant made sure Otis got out first.

"Chief." Kelly mumbled when they reached the bottom of the stairs, ground floor. "There's no apartment three-one-one."

Air…finally fresh air, daylight, commotion, more people yelling, a loud thunder behind him…Boden positioned Severide on the cement as Brett and Chili ran towards Capp, Cruz and Matt lifting his limp frame up on the gurney. Brett began cutting his clothes, revealing multiple burns, second degree, some third maybe…

"Broken ribs."

"Lung's collapsing."

"Have to intubate!"

Kelly threw the bottle of water truck's new candidate had just given him on the ground and sprang to his feet, looking around frantically. "WHERE'S HE?" He yelled as another pair of paramedics headed in his direction.

"Lieutenant - "

"Get your hands off me!" Kelly stepped back, pushing the PIC's hand away, lifting his palms in defense. Sixty-one peeled off, taking Capp to Lakeshore, and Casey and Boden were on his heels in seconds, the rest of their crew watching in silence.

"WHERE'S THE FATHER?!" Severide shouted at…at no one in particular, everyone thinking the same.

"Kelly! Let them check you out." Matt reasoned…that bewildered expression on his friend's face…

"There's no apartment three-one-one, Chief!" That eastern-european accent…he should have known. "It was a DAMN TRAP!" For a second he felt as if the air had been knocked out of him.

"Lieutenant - " The younger paramedic waved an oxygen mask in front of his face.

"I'm fine!"

"IT'S NOT UP FOR DEBATE!" Boden's voice boomed…he had made that mistake once, his Squad's lieutenant was going to the hospital this time. "Casey, go. Make sure he stays." He added, equally pissed that he had to get the fire under control before joining them…they couldn't lose another one."

Xxx

"The Bulgarian Ministry of internal affairs is on it." Voight finished his speech, his entire team looking at him as if expecting some instructions, maybe even an order to get there and take down Oleg and the entire group, anything…

Before Hank could bark his orders, Platt climbed the stairs and stopped in the middle of the bullpen, nobody liking the solemn expression on his face.

"What?" Voight had no patience left.

Platt took a breath, choosing her words carefully as the wrong one could push Lindsay weeks back in her recovery. "Lieutenant Severide is fine, they are not even keeping him overnight." That sentence was directed at Erin, whose eyes grew wider, her hand gripping the edge of her desk.

"What is it?" Antonio grumbled, thoughts about Casey getting hurt, again, rushing in his head.

"Fifty-one…there's been an explosion, Capp's in bad shape, Severide's been lucky this time. They say it's been a trap."

"A trap?" Olinsky interjected, shooting Voight a look, both thinking the same.

"Place's listed on the dangerous buildings' list. Squad's been sent to the third floor, instead of a missing kid finding explosives."

"Sent by whom?"

"A man claiming to be the kid's father…he's disappeared from the scene after the explosion…eastern-european accent."

No…no…no. Erin's mind couldn't process it all. No. Kelly was slowly getting back on his feet, he did not need this. They did not need this. Time to end it. Once and for all. "Let's go to Bulgaria." She demanded, getting up, hands resting on her desk. "Hank, I'm ready. We…we have to get them!"

* * *

 **Ooops, and you thought Nesbitt was dead...well his future is still very uncertain. And Oleg, it was clear he won't just disappear, but now he's trying to clean up his mess, not good. Erin needed something to push her back on the field, she's got a very good purpose in life now, hunt Oleg's ass, but will they get to Oleg before he strikes again?** **And she's leaving Kelly alone for a few days (after next chapter though), so now is the time for Matt to step up and finally fix their broken friendship...will he do it, and will Sev let him in? Hmmm...And how's Capp doing?!**

 **THANK YOU again everyone who reviewed, read, followed, I hope you're still enjoying this. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think. :)**


	9. He needs you here

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" –**_ **memories**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

 **He needs you here**

"I'm fine, Casey!" Kelly insisted the following morning, sitting together with the members of Fifty-one in the familiar waiting room of Lakeshore, staring down, at his hands. He had been given some oxygen and cleared by a doctor to go home and rest…but had returned to the waiting room to join the rest of Fifty-one.

The past few hours had been a nightmare, no one updating them on Capp's condition…the only information they had was that it was bad.

It was driving them crazy. Driving Chief mad – he had been the one to order Squad to get the kid out. Driving Severide insane – he should have listened to his instincts, that accent…he would never forget it, and yet, he had led his fellow Squad's member inside, ordering him to run through the flames…and Kelly had jumped to the right, bursting through a door, into a room, a safer place as it had turned out. He had thought they'd make it, they'd have enough time to get downstairs – no.

"Let's go home." Matt urged for a hundredth time, sitting there not helping his friend's mental state.

Severide looked up, ready to bark another curt reply, hoping Casey would leave him alone, but instead he saw Lindsay and Antonio walk in their direction, looking like they'd had a tough night as well.

"How's Capp?" Dawson's question was directed at no one in particular.

"He's in an emergency surgery to repair the damage done by the broken ribs. That's all we know." Brett replied…she'd been with Fifty-one for just over a year, but how many times she'd found herself sitting in a hospital waiting room, unsure whether a family member would make it this time?! Too many, way too many…

Lindsay said nothing. She walked closer to Kelly, whose eyes were fixed on the wall, Matt vacating his seat so she could sit next to Severide. The blonde lieutenant hadn't seen the detective since their meeting in front of Kelly's hospital room…he had said things he shouldn't have.

"We're gonna end this." She whispered to her firehero's ear, but the rest of the men and women there heard it, loud and clear…they tried to believe it.

"Too late for Capp." He uttered in response and slowly got up, then made his way to the nearest vending machine, looking for…for anything, water, juice, energy drinks, anything that would keep him going as he was already beyond tired. Kelly slid his hand into the pocket of his turnout trousers, cursing when he found no spare change in there…of course. It was his uniform, no money hidden in the pockets.

"Here. Just a sec." Herrmann was the first to react, glad he had dumped his jacket in their Tuck the previous morning. He was sure he had some change…

" _BANG"_ A dozen heads turned just in time to see their Squad's lieutenant smash the vending machine with the palm of his right hand, releasing contained anger like an erupting volcano.

Kelly rested his forehead on the cold metal for a brief second, fists balled up, and then headed for the toilet, looking for relief in the cold water he began splashing on his face.

"Casey." Lindsay called from her seat, her eyes pointing a more private spot near the exit. Matt nodded once, and she followed him to where the rest of the people in the waiting room couldn't hear.

"Listen." The lieutenant began first, needing to say it before he could have a face-to-face conversation with the detective. "I'm sorry…for what I said. None of this is your fault. It's not an excuse, but I was angry…I still am. Not with you. Or Voight. I agreed to take part in this.

"I know." The corners of her mouth formed a small smile that quickly vanished. "Let's just forget about it." Yeah, there were more important things they had to focus on.

"Sounds good."

Lindsay shot a glance at the door of the men's toilet, making sure Kelly was still in there. "Look, we've got a solid lead on Oleg. Heading to Bulgaria tonight." She paused, the full extent of what she was going to do finally hitting her…like an L-train. "I need to know Kelly won't be alone while I'm gone."

Shit. So now the entire world knew his friendship with…with his best friend was heading nowhere. "I want to fix this…"

"I'll take him home…and try to explain." It wouldn't be easy.

"Yeah." Matt squeezed her shoulder approvingly. "Do what you gotta do to end this."

They talked a bit more…about one broken friendship, about what it would take to fix it. About how Kelly would be practically homeless in a few days, Lindsay vowing to talk him into staying with her…Until Severide stepped out of the toilet, shot them a dirty look as if they were conspiring against him, and slumped back down onto a chair…twenty minutes later Lindsay and Boden finally talked him into going home, to shower, some food…

Xxx

"I should be at the hospital. With everyone!" Kelly emphasized on the last part, Lindsay pushing him gently down on the couch.

"Boden sent them home. It's been a rough shift for everyone. He and Casey are staying until the guys get back."

"So I should head back." He murmured, frustrated he was too exhausted to get up, let alone leave the apartment.

"No. What you should do - " She moved before him, grabbing the edges of his lieutenant's coat. "Is take off the turnout gear." She slowly removed his coat, positioning his hand back on the couch. "Take a shower, and get some rest."

Kelly didn't have the energy to protest. He let her remove the suspenders of his trousers, then his shirt, not really helping her when she pulled his trousers down, leaving him in his boxers only.

"C'mon." She grabbed his hand, worried how easy she lifted him off the couch…and led him to the bathroom, helping him get in the tube.

"Can do this alone." Kelly smirked, one hand resting on the wall for support.

"Okay." Erin let go, knowing how important his privacy was to him. "I'll fix something…lunch."

Kelly eyed her with arched brows, no words needed.

"What? I cook, too."

Her soft smile, husky voice warmed the cockles of his broken heart as he started the shower.

Erin left the door slightly open just in case her firehero needed anything, and headed for the kitchen…now fully stocked. She opened the fridge, took out a pack of bacon, then got four big potatoes out of the nearest cupboard, and began peeling then, her ears detecting the sound of running water in the bathroom…

Twenty-five minutes later Kelly walked into the dining area shirtless, a towel wrapped around his waist, his spiky hair – wet. He sat at the table, the smell of bacon making his stomach rumble…

"Hank's recipe." Erin commented from the kitchen and appeared with two plates of roasted, spicy potatoes covered in bacon and melted cheese. "Energy bomb." She smirked as she positioned the plates on the table, her eyes focused on something complete different…yes, her fireman had definitely built-up some muscle mass in the last couple of weeks…but rough scars had settled on those biceps, others – on his shoulders, one going all the way up to his neck…but he was her handsome fireman, no matter what, her macho, hero who had just triggered a current going all the way from her brain down to her toes…why the hell was she feeling like a fifteen year old girl who had just seen her basketball star crush half naked in the men's changing area?!

"Something you like?" Kelly's voice brought Lindsay back to Earth…the nasty reality. She was yet to tell him she, too, had to leave him alone, for a couple of days, a week maximum, to make sure they ended it…Oleg, once and for all.

Erin pulled up a chair and sat down, struggling to find the right words.

Kelly took a bite of the energy bomb, a hot potato chunk burning his tongue. He swallowed hard and placed the fork down, focusing his gaze on the woman with a sullen expression before him. "Okay…what's going on?"

She took in some air. "Nesbitt's awake." She paused, studying the new grimace that appeared on his face…he had been happy when Jack had been stabbed, both of them hoping Nesbitt had felt at least a tiny bit of what Kelly had in that damp room. "He gave us Oleg's location. We're heading there tonight."

Severide did not respond. Instead he forced himself to swallow some more of the food, the potatoes barely making it down his dry throat.

"Kel." Erin gently pressed his hand down on the table, prompting him to look her in the eye. "Oleg's not gonna stop until there are no witnesses left."

"Go…go where?"

"Bulgaria. Just for a few days. I promise."

Kelly pursed his lips and fixed his gaze on his food. And Erin's heart was about to break…what if she just told him she wasn't going go, that she was going to stay there, with him, forever?!

But she needed this, needed to finally get out of the safety of the office and do what she did best – protect people, protect the one she loved. But if it meant pushing him into the black hole she had been trying to pull him out of for weeks…

"Just make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else…ever again." Kelly squeezed her hand and pushed his plate away, then slowly got up and headed for the bedroom, looking for his mobile to check on Capp and then for a few hours of sleep before…before going…where exactly was he going to go now? First was the hospital, and then, then where?

Xxx

Kelly woke up two hours later to the warmth of a body pressed against his. He opened his eyes and was met by two hazel eyes, a soft smile on her face, her expression – still sheepish. No, no, no, he couldn't lose her…

"Hey." Erin's smile grew wider.

That beautiful face…that smile…his girl…as if the events of the past day suddenly moved to a corner deep inside his brain, making space for..."Hey." He smiled back…he wanted her, all of here…and then to never let go. To keep her there for him, forever, no matter how selfish it was. "Didn't hear you coming - "

"You were out."

Shier exhaustion wins.

Erin felt so comfortable…it was approaching 5pm, their flight – scheduled for 11.45pm. She was supposed to meet the rest of the team at the district around eight…that left them, what, about two hours to enjoy the warmth their bodies were generating.

She pushed herself forward, resting her hand on his hip, their chests coming in contact.

For a moment, all the pain was gone, all the memories – disappeared, only lust left behind. They hadn't felt like this since…God, since when, asked Lindsay, Kelly unable to remember either. Surely, he had been with Britany, more to numb the pain from losing Shay than because he loved her. Erin…it was different, so much different, and he didn't want to screw things up…things, what things? Where were they? Friends…who had been sharing a bed for weeks? More than friends, without the sexual benefits. Soulmates?

The soft, warm lips that came in contact with his ended Kelly's train of thought. He pressed her body against hers, his tongue being granted permission to enter.

They parted when air became a problem, both panting lightly.

"We don't have to rush this…" Kelly gave her a way out, if she wanted it…

"We're not." She whispered before gently biting his bottom lip. Yes, she wanted it. She could feel that he wanted it, too. And she had to make sure he knew she was coming back, to him…

It was all he needed to hear. She wanted him, she was there for him, she was all his.

Kelly rolled her on top of him, and Erin giggled, locking both hands around his neck. Yes, she had missed him. He let her take control, just to make sure he followed all of her desires…

It was nearly half six when they stepped out of the shower, and Kelly wrapped a towel around Erin.

She placed her hand under his chin gently lifted his head, his gaze meeting hers. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

Don't…don't go. "If I lose you - "

"I'll be back before you know it. Oleg's managed to piss us enough." Lindsay smirked, nothing funny in the situation. "If I lose you - "

"I'll be okay." He leaned forward and kissed her lips. "I promise."

"And you'll stay with Casey." Erin added with a serious expression.

Yeah, there they were again. "He's got enough to worry about."

"He worries about you anyways." Erin opened the small cupboard above the sink and grabbed a toiletries bag, then reached for her toothbrush. "I need to know you won't be alone."

It was against his better judgement. Couldn't he just stay at Lindsay's place, away from the world?! But if it was going to put her mind at ease... "I'll stay with Casey." He vowed, making it clear he didn't like it. "Until you come back…"

Xxx

It took Kelly some negotiating, a lot of promising to stay safe, not do anything reckless, and finally face Matt, before Lindsay agreed to drop him at the hospital on her way to the district, Sev's car still parked in front of the firehouse. Casey, Boden, Herrmann, Tony and Cruz were there, some of them – having never left, others – having gone home to give their kids a hug, their wives – a kiss, to check whether their fiancé needed anything.

As he walked into the waiting room the unwanted memories of that day, the day a doctor had stepped out of an OR to tell them he hadn't been able to save their Leslie Shay, rushed into his head. But he managed to block them. Not now, not…not ever again. Just bury them in the past, he told himself, taking a deep breath before coming face to face with the people there.

"Kelly." Chief greeted him with a pat on the shoulder.

"Any updates?" Severide's question wasn't directed to anyone in particular.

"Dislocated shoulder, a broken leg, two broken ribs, one's penetrated a lung." Boden was the first to reply. "Fortunately…" He snorted, there was nothing fortunate in the situation. "His heart's function is good. Some third, but most are second degree burns. But he's on command breathing, and wining him off the machine is their biggest concern. If…if he starts breathing on his own, his lung might remain severely compromised."

"If?"

"They don't know, Kelly. It's too early to make prognosis yet." Matt replied, having listened to the doctor explaining the exact same thing only some twenty minutes earlier.

"Marianne is there with him right now." Herrmann was talking about Capp's wife…he had made the call himself, imagining someone telling that to Cindy…it had happened once…

"No more visitors allowed." As if Casey read Kelly's mind. "C'mon, let's go…home." Home? What home? He knew Sev hated that apartment. He hated it himself. Four more days until move-in day to their new place. A new life, a better life, hopefully.

"I - "

"Nothing we can do here." Boden grumbled, loud enough for everyone to understand there was no place for a no. "We can come back tomorrow morning, hopefully then we can see him."

"C'mon." Matt placed his hand around Kelly's back, guiding him to the exit.

Xxx

That evening Matt and Kelly didn't go straight home…despite their earlier intention, Casey decided to turn left instead of going straight, arriving at Molly's ten minutes later. Cars he recognized were parked on the street, and Casey left his behind Brian's before following Severide inside.

"Hey." Mouch nodded his head, a half-full beer in front of him.

"Lieutenant." Brett called from the stool next to Mouch. Okay, which lieutenant? Nevermind. "Come, sit." She pointed the next two stools, Chili placing two beers on the counter.

Yes, being with their family was what everyone needed.

But there was something missing…no smiling, no witty remarks or friendly banter going on. The small chats were forced, words – kept to a minimum.

Chili had just placed a second beer before the Squad's Lieutenant when Boden, Herrmann and Cruz joined them, the family – now almost complete…Almost…that new candidate was all foreign territory for Kelly, and frankly said, he couldn't care less about making friends with him. Mills had left, Andy – wow, had it really been nearly three years?! Vargas, the guy had been on Truck when Kelly had joined Fifty one, his career ending way too soon. Dawson was not allowed to leave her bed…they hadn't talked in ages…Capp was fighting for his life in a hospital. And…and Shay wasn't there, too. Was never going to be there again, never. No, so many people from his family weren't there, so many people had left him. And he felt so distant from the rest, maybe for the better. That way he wouldn't be hurt when they leave him, too. But Erin…she was coming back. She was his rock…without her…no.

"Next one's on me."

"Us." Another girl scolded the first one, then giggled, slumping down on a chair, making Kelly realize he had been staring at his beer for…shit, had anyone noticed?

"Us." The first girl, a blondy, couldn't have been older than twenty-five, repeated, placing one hand on his thigh.

The same thigh Erin had touched hours earlier.

"Not interested." Kelly muttered, feeling the hand moving to other areas. "Hey!" He snapped, pushing the hand away.

"Oh, c'mon." Her brunette friend rested her hand on Kelly's shoulder, making him flinch. She leaned forward and whispered something to his ear, Severide unable to see the erotic in her words.

"Thanks, but no thanks." He replied, keeping his tone even, even though he wanted to yell. "Not interested."

"You can't just - "

"You heard him, ladies." Casey approached from behind, having sensed his friend was too emotionally distract to deal with the two girls, apparently interested in finding out what a fireman could do in bed. "He's got company for tonight." Matt pointed Brett who waved back, grinning. Message sent.

"If you ever want some excitement - " Blondy placed a tissue showing her number next to Kelly's beer. "Give me a call."

They turned around, scanned the room, and headed toward their next innocent victim. Message received.

"Thanks." Sev looked up to meet Matt's blue eyes.

"My pleasure." Casey chuckled, for the first time in a long time feeling like the ice between them was melting. "Never thought I'd see the day Kelly Severide sends a girl away…let alone two."

"Yeah…things change." Kelly attempted a weak smile. Didn't work. He had made a promise. "You ready to go home?"

Xxx

"That's all you're taking?" Halstead mused when Antonio stepped into the bullpen of Intelligence, a small duffle bag in hands. He was the last to arrive, having spent thirty minutes on the phone with his son.

"I'm a real man. Don't need a whole suitcase." Dawson pointed Jay's tall suitcase with his eyes, everyone starting laughing. Even Erin. Whose mind was on Kelly Severide, her hero, who she was leaving alone, abandoning…

Their voices suddenly died out when Voight stepped out of his office with a glum expression, a phone in his hand. "Change of plans."

"Huh?"

"Mihailov…the one who stabbed Nesbitt, suddenly decided to talk." Hank smirked, being the one responsible for making the guy sing like a bird. Apparently he, too, had some enemies. "He says there's an active group of four Bulgarians still in Chicago…Casey, Dawson and Severide are on their 'to do' list.

"We already know this." Ruzek regretted opening his mouth when Hank shot him a look that probably could kill.

"But we did not know they cannot afford to fail, or Oleg's cousin will have their heads on a platter. Which gives them an extra reason to go after our people. And they've got seventy-two hours…"

"Names? We need to locate them, now!" Erin stepped up, hands on her hips.

"Two. Check your email. Ruzek and Olinsky, you stay here with Erin!"

"Hank - " Lindsay shortened the distance, the rest, unsure whether to watch this, or go…somewhere else.

"You'll keep him safe, kid. He needs you here."

Erin simply nodded. Keep Kelly safe…

Voight was satisfied. His girl was back. "Let's go." He barked at Antonio, Halstead and Atwater.

* * *

 **Okay, I couldn't send Erin away, just couldn't do that to poor Kelly. But she might not call him immediately just to push him a little bit to spend time with Matt ^^ Buuut they had their little moment, I hope you like that part. Didn't want to rush it until now, but thought Kelly needed to know she will come back to him...and the promised Matt/Kelly scene was here, and they'll spend a lot more time together next chapter. But now, what's that group up to? *evil grin* And what will happen with Capp?**

 **As always THANK YOU so much to everyone! Would love to hear what you think about this update. :)**


	10. French toast

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" –**_ **memories**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

 **French toast**

"You sure?" Matt glared at Gabby with arched brows, a smile dancing on his face. They had woken up around eight, Casey staying in bed for another hour with a hand resting on her belly, on his child…to let his baby girl know he was there, always there for her. They didn't know the sex of their child, officially, but if Gabby said it was going to be girl, he was okay with it. His daughter. Gabby had just entered the second trimester, chances of miscarriage decreasing slightly…yeah, he kept mumbling that to himself as he took a shower, put on a pair of jeans and a blue shirt and returned to their bedroom to offer his family breakfast...plenty of time to cook, no shift. Chief had texted him that they could visit Capp later that day.

He knew Kelly had slept for a few hours only after they had called it a night after Molly's, both too mentally and physically exhausted….yeah, nervous pacing around the living room at four in the morning definitely meant no rest for Severide.

"Five?" Casey chuckled…if Gabby ate that many slices of bread, French toasted with syrup on top, he might need to get a second bed, for himself…

"Your daughter's hungry." She shrugged with a wide grin. She had a solid appetite – a good sign…not so good for her figure…

Matt stepped out of the room only to find Kelly at the dining table, in the company of a big mug of coffee and a Sudoko, many empty squares still there…

"The easy one's kicking your butt, huh?'

"Can't concentrate." Kelly murmured in response. Then put the pen down, closed the paper, leaned in his seat and rested his hands behind his neck.

Well, first honest answer in ages, thought Casey…and Lindsay's departure wasn't doing the Squad's lieutenant any good…

But neither lieutenant was aware that in that moment at District Twenty-one, Erin woke up with a throbbing headache, feeling like the list of names she had fallen asleep on was printed on her face. She had opted not to call Kelly, to give him and Matt the chance to talk, face their demons…

"You slept at all?" Matt sank into another chair.

"A couple of hours." Kelly answered truthfully, not saying anything about the nightmares of him pushing Capp into the flames…he slowly got up, stepped to the coffee machine, poured Casey a fresh mug of coffee, came back, handed the mug to his fellow lieutenant and slumped back down on the chair, his body protesting against every movement. "Thanks for the help…last night."

"The brunette was cute - "

"I'm sure Dawson would say the same." Sev snickered, then took a sip of the hot beverage.

"No need to ask her." Matt shook his head no, reaching for his own coffee. Caffeine first, breakfast second. "So you and Lindsay? Getting serious?"

Erin…Kelly grabbed his phone, checking for missed calls, texts, anything. No…Right, her flight was scheduled to land later in the afternoon..."I don't know man. We've not really talked about it."

"You want it to be?" Matt knew the answer. The question was more like an invitation to his friend to open up.

"Hell yeah! It's just…we're both still - " Kelly covered his mouth with his hand and a loud sneeze followed, the another one…three "Figuring things out." He finished, resting his hand back on his mug.

Concern swept over Casey's face, as if expecting his friend to pass out on the kitchen floor. Too much hospital trips in the past months, years…"You okay? Need anything?"

"I'm fine, Casey! Geez!"

"I worry, okay?" Matt snapped, jumping to his feet, taking the Squad's lieutenant by surprise. "No, you're not fine. We're not fine…Listen, I cannot take back what I said, or did. I wish I could…I know it hurt and…I'm sorry. Can't offer much more."

"I don't need - "

"We've known each other for what? Twelve years? And we've been close to tearing each other apart how many times? Problems solved after some yelling and a cigar. But this - " Matt spread his hands in the air in desperation. "You, avoiding me, not talking, hiding from everything and everyone. This I don't know how to fix unless you give us a chance!"

Twelve years…the only friend he'd had left…until the Squad vs Truck drama. Casey, a brother. It was worth saving. They've been through many hells together. The only thing in his life besides his relationship with the gorgeous detective worth saving.

"Heard you're making French toast?" Kelly raised an eyebrow…signing an unspoken agreement to give their friendship another chance…Yes, start with the breakfast…then maybe ask Matt for help at the marina. Yeah, that motor he was getting paid to fix needed another set of eyes…

"Just give me the eggs" Matt chuckled, pointing the fridge. That was his chance to save the most important friendship in his life, probably the last one. And he swore to not screw up. No matter what.

Xxx

"So?" Halstead shot his superior an expectant look as they claimed their bags at Sofia International Airport and headed for the double doors separating them from the crowd of very emotional people gathered to meet and greet their family or friends.

"We find Sergeant Bonev now." Voight grumbled in response, the lack of sleep resulting in an even grumpier than usual Hank. "Then send that son of a bitch back to Russia, in a coffin." The one upsetting his girl…she had a thing for the fireman, Hank was okay with it, had always liked him, had balls. That meant Kelly's enemies were Voight's enemies…personal vendetta.

They stepped to the other side of the double doors where many sets of eyes scanned them from head to toe.

Antonio stopped, one hand resting on his duffle bag, and looked around, finally locating the man holding a sign that read Hank Voight. Dawson raised his hand, making sure the Bulgarian sergeant knew they were there…then started making his way toward the big man, probably twice the size of Voight…but surely not as dangerous…

"To the hotel?" Jay asked again, walking a step behind his superior.

"This is not a holiday!" Hank rasped out, trying to keep his voice down, unsuccessfully. "We start work, today!"

"Fine by me." Halstead shrugged, entering kick-ass mode.

Xxx

"So, the new place's bigger, huh?" Kelly turned to look at Casey as he positioned a caliper on the ground and wrote the number it presented on a piece of paper, a part of a boat's motor Casey couldn't identify still in Severide's hands.

It felt good…not, it felt great, working side by side with Kelly, again. And it was sunny, and warm, and they had beer. Some of the tension was still there, Matt wasn't a fool…every now and then Kelly would opt to mutter something or not say anything at all, his expression clouding. Still not being allowed to visit Capp adding to their misery….They hadn't talked much about the kidnapping, Severide making it clear he didn't want to hear about it, ever again…Every now and then, Matt would glance upon his phone, worry about Gabby and their baby consuming him, remembering the latest nightmare of Katia's ghost pulling his unborn daughter out of her mother's womb, for revenge…

But Casey was sure Kelly would eventually bring the topic about their kidnapping, and maybe, maybe even talk about that gun, about everything said, done, unheard, about Truck versus Squad and where the problem had started from. Kelly accepted that Casey's main priority was Gabby, and their unborn child, that they were his real family, the family he had wanted ever since Hallie…

"Yup, a three bedroom. We'll convert one into a baby room. I'm meeting with the agent after next shift to get the keys."

"If you need a hand - "

"Thanks." A small smile lit Matt's face as he held the motor while Kelly inserted the small part back into its place. "Listen, you know you're still welcome, right? The third bedroom's all yours."

Kelly bit his bottom lip, shaking his head no. He'd given it a thought, he ready had. "Lindsay offered me to stay…at least for a little while. I'm gonna start looking for places."

Okay. If being with the detective made his friend a bit happier, so be it. Matt was glad Kelly wasn't going to be alone. Maybe the little while would turn into something much longer, permanent. The sparkle in Squad's lieutenant's eye told him Kelly wanted it, to be permanent…

"Okay." Matt wiped off a few drops of sweat running down his forehead with his sleeve, the summer sun having left red marks on his naturally light skin. "I know you sold out most of what you had last year - " Matt opted not to say 'after Shay'. "But after tomorrow's shift, I'll help you move your stuff over to Lindsay's. You've got a key, right?'

Kelly chuckled. "Yeah, man. Looking for an excuse not to be at your place?"

Well, the memories were still there. The ghost of Katia. "Gabby's mom's driving me insane. Spends too much time with us when I'm home." Not that he wasn't grateful to the woman, but a little bit of privacy from time to time wouldn't hurt.

"Mrs. Dawson's 'to do' list too big for you?"

"Longer than the Bible."

Kelly grinned even further, patting Matt on the shoulder sympathetically with one hand, holding the motor with the other. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and with a hand covered in grease he pulled it out, a text from Erin.

" _All good. Will call you later. Miss you already."_

Casey was happy to finally see a smile on that Severide's face. Even if it wasn't there constantly. He leaned forward, easy to read the text as Kelly's eyes remained fixed on the words for longer than necessarily. "Let's finish here and grab a beer somewhere." He suggested softly, prompting Kelly to finally look away from the screen, a smile still on his face.

He missed her, too. But what he didn't know was that she wasn't thousands of miles away…she was at her desk, reading the family history and biography of a Bulgarian whose name Voight had sent her. Olinsky was doing the same with the second name. You can't just arrest a man because a murderer had given you their name. Burgess and Roman were basically stalking the first, another patrol – following the other. They still had to dig out the names of the other two, one of them in charge…the two who had their eyes set on two firemen at the marina…and the two young officers watching over the firemen from a distance – completely unaware. Lindsay's orders.

"Nice plan."

As Kelly finished putting everything together and Matt started gathering their tools, none of them noticed the two sets of eyes spying on them from a small distance. Two sets of eyes with one mission – make the witnesses disappear. So that Oleg could have his business back.

"You think he'd make a simple phone call for two hundred bucks?" The skinny guy eyed his much bigger, bald boss, his gaze fixed on two people sitting on the closest bench – a father with torn jeans and sullen expression, holding a slice of what seemed to be an old bread and some cheese in front of his daughter's face, the eight-ten year old girl looking at the food with disgust and glassy eyes.

"He will…for half the money."

Xxx

At dawn Ruzek returned to the district with a bag of Chinese food in hands, stopped at the front desk to leave Platt's mandarin orange chicken, glad the sergeant wasn't there to complain how long it had taken him to return. He climbed the steps to Intelligence, Erin and Olinsky happy to finally get their dinner.

"With extra rice?" Olinsky asked suspiciously as Ruzek handed him two hot boxes.

"Yeah. No mushrooms." Adam look at Erin, his eyes searching for a paperless spot on her desk, then positioned her dinner down. "Anything?"

"So far this guy is guilty only of being stupid. Quit high school a year before graduation, applied for a green card when he turned 18, worked in various shops in Sofia for nearly ten years before he came here two years ago."

"Thought they had higher standards for the green cards - "

"Apparently not." Olinsky muttered just as Roman and Burgess appeared from the stairs, both looking worn out.

"Our guy just went to 'Aquaman marine'. Burgess informed them as she stepped to Ruzek's desk, her gaze fixed upon the sweet and sour chicken bites. "Still no idea what he's doing in a boat repair shop but Glen and Riccardo are at his heels. They'll know if he's up to something…This for me?" She grabbed Adam's plastic fork when he left it down, stuffing a bite in her mouth.

"Need a boyfriend." Roman muttered, turning to leave. "Night everyone."

"I think we should all go home. Sleep in a real bed tonight." Olinsky's words sounded more like an order than as a suggestion. "Erin, I know you don't want to upset things at Fifty-one more, but considering the lack of progress, we don't have a choice. Gabriella, Casey and Severide are staying together, go there and tell them what's going on before they notice the patrol you sent this morning, okay?"

"Yeah. Will talk to Chief Boden tomorrow morning."

Xxx

Kelly sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair in Capp's ICU room, watching him sleep, a machine still breathing for him…the doctors had sad something about his lung being too week after the surgery, needing some time to heal. He couldn't stop thinking about that accent…should have known better, shouldn't have ordered his fellow Squad member to jump through the flames, should have known they were out of time…

 _Beep…beep…beep._ Matt had gone home, but Kelly had insisted on staying a bit longer. _Beep…beep…beep_. Maybe the new chief at headquarters, the one telling everyone Squad 3's lieutenant wasn't a good leader, was right after all. Kelly knew Boden had risked a lot to save his job from that new chief…had heard something about a demotion, Chief having to call in a lot of favors, going that far to track down Benny and ask him to save his son's career, and life. Because a demotion would end Kelly. Because it was the last thing Severide wanted to deal with…and he was simply pretending not to know anything, never heard of it. Simple. But maybe it was what he deserved after all. And maybe it would settle the Truck vs. Squad game once and for all…

"Kelly." He jumped in his seat when a hand rested on his shoulder.

He turned to see Marianne, Capp's wife, looking at him sympathetically, a cup of coffee in her hand.

"It's been two hours. Go home, Kelly."

"I - " He slowly rose to his feet, then froze, a scowl on his face.

"Don't." Marianne shook her head, taking his hand in hers. She had known Kelly for nearly ten years…knew what he was thinking. Every time someone got hurt. "You know what he replies every morning when I say 'stay safe'? - 'Severide will make sure I come home tomorrow." A tear rolled down her cheek, Kelly barely able to hold his back. "He will come home, Kelly."

Kelly just nodded and then left…he needed air…fresh air. The elevator ride was just too long, too painful…no, don't stop…one more floor…he stepped outside and leaned against the wall, a few people shooting him suspicious looks. He couldn't care less…

His phone buzzed…Damn! Now what?! Hoping that it was Erin…he needed to hear her voice, he pulled out his mobile, ID not recognized.

"What?" He grumbled, to hell with being polite.

" _Kelly Severide?"_ A gruff, strange, male voice asked.

"Yeah…"

" _М_ _r. Severide, um…George gave me your number."_ Yes, Kelly knew George, the boat owner from the morning. _"I saw you and your friend this morning, and thought what the hell, give it a try. The thing is that I've got this yacht, inherited it from my dad…and everything was fine until yesterday. Tried starting the engine, and nothing…I don't know anyone who does boat repair, and George said you're good."_

"Thanks…but not looking for extra work right now."

" _But…okay, I'll pay twice the normal rate. In advance."_

"It's not about money - "

" _Please…listen, I've got it all planned. Wanna ask my girl to…to marry me. She's moving here from Arizona on Sunday, wanna go out, on the yacht, you know. A romantic trip. Have already booked a hotel room for the night."_

Kelly's every single brain cell screamed no, just say no, period. But it was for the girl, love…the same kind of love keeping him in one piece. And the guy sounded genuinely worried…"Alright. But I'm on shift tomorrow and then have somethin' else to do on Saturday morning. Meet me where George's boat was today, at five."

" _Perfect! See you then…and listen, thank you!"_

"Yeah…no problem." Kelly uttered and his phone beeped to say the battery was dying. He disconnected the call and leaned his head against the cold wall…he never saw the pair of unfriendly eyes watching his every movement.

Xxx

"I'm comin'!" Matt barked after a second eager knock on the door woke him up from an unrestful hour of sleep on the couch after the hospital trip. "Comin'!" He yelled, running his eyes with one hand.

He turned the knob to find Lindsay on the other side of the door, fist balled up in the air, ready for another knock…

And Erin just stared back at him, as if only then remembering the lieutenant didn't know she was still in Chicago. Right.

"Erin." He uttered, unable to formulate anything else.

"Where's Kelly?" There was unmistakable urgency in her voice. Lindsay walked in and stopped in the middle of the living room…then turned her head left, then right, her eyes searching for her firehero. Make sure he's okay, then explain.

It took the blonde lieutenant a minute to come back to his senses. But when he did, it hit him that her presence there and the look of urgency on her face meant trouble. Trouble with eastern-europeans…

"Matt." Gabby called from the bedroom, having heard the familiar, quite distinguishable voice of the detective. "What's going on?"

"Yeah, what's going on?" Casey ignored his fiancé for a moment, his piercing gaze fixed on Lindsay.

"They're after you. Where's Kelly?" She blurted out, not giving a damn if it made sense or not…her man was not there.

"Wanted to stay with Capp a bit longer." Casey glanced upon his watch with a sense of dread. "Nearly four hours ago."

"Thought you went with him."

"I did…but he asked for some alone time…came back to start packing." Casey's eyes pointed four tall cardboard boxes.

"They said you've both come back here." Erin mumbled to herself, pure anger flashing through her eyes. Stupid patrol's abandoned her man alone on the streets of Chicago!

"They?"

Instead of responding, the detective pulled out her mobile and dialed. C'mon…c'mon…."No".

"Erin!"

"Voicemail…"

* * *

 **Oooops, where the hell is Kelly now?! Would Erin come to regret her decision to give out boys some alone time? Some much needed Kelly/Matt bonding in this update, as I said it won't be all perfect immediately, but they both agreed to give it a chance and spent a few normal hours together...Had to have some angsty bits in there, too. Capp was allowed a visitor, he must be doing better (for the record - he's not going to die!). More Capp next time. And more Linseride of course as I know it was missing here, but Kelly/Matt really needed some alone time. I am thrilled so many of you enjoyed Linseride's "bonding" moments last time. The danger is out there, with a nasty plan...and would Bulgaria prove to be too small for Oleg to hide? We'll see very soon.**

 **So I posted this a day earlier than usual as a busy weekend's coming. Will most likely post the next one next Friday due to another busy weekend, haha.**

 **THANK you to all those of you who reviewed, followed, favorited. Thank you to the Guest and Newperson \- yup, I promised long time ago that Matt was going to apologize to Erin, so the right moment finally came in the last chapter. They'll need to work together. Because he needs them there ;)**


	11. Fear

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: Okay okay I know it's been a while. BUT you know that sense of panic when you expect a massive uni assignment in spring term, and suddenly twenty minutes after the start of this first term you get an email that this year they've changed it and you've got to do it now..so yeah, unfortunately uni work wins, because I need a degree, to get a job, you know...I apologize for the delay, was kinda unexpected...So now I'm thinking of splitting the final two chapters in two so I can update more regularly, what do you think?**_

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

 **Fear**

"You should have told me earlier." Kelly muttered the next morning, removing a strand of soft hair off Erin's face. They were snuggled under the covers of his bed at Matt's apartment, the alarm clock having ruined their peaceful sleep ten minutes earlier.

"Had to make sure you came here and spent some time with Matt." She met his eyes, rested her hand on his chest and squeezed as tight to his warm body as possible…a chilly, rainy, not-looking-like-summer morning. "How did it go?"

"We talked. Fixed a boat. Went for a beer."

"And then you decided to disappear - "

"No." Kelly lied…it was some stupid instinct to protect himself, hide his demons, stay indestructible, no softness, emotions. "Battery died." True…but not the whole story.

"It took you hours to get back." Lindsay scolded, pressing her head harder against his chest, as if he would run away and never come back. "You got me worried - "

"Sorry." Kelly planted a kiss on top of her head. "Capp…it I hadn't - "

"He might not even be alive."

"Or he might've been able to get up this morning, tell his wife he'll be back tomorrow, kiss her goodbye and go bust Tony's balls!"

Lindsay lifted her upper body and lay on her arm for support, her gaze fixed on him.

But Kelly just ignored the soft fingers touching his cheek and sat up…looked left, his eyes resting on the photo of him and Shay at the hospital, on the day Clarice's Leslie had been born…smiles plastered on their faces.

Kelly pushed Erin's hands away and got up, then headed for the bathroom, not bothering to stop the tears spilling in his eyes. Yeah, some mornings were rough…especially the ones after you had nearly gotten your friend and subordinate killed. Or the morning after you'd been told you were a target of cold blood killers…that you better not go on shift – well, neither him nor Matt had agreed to that. And Lindsay was going with them, to inform the entire firehouse it was once again in danger.

"Kelly!" Erin called after him, but he didn't listen. So she flipped the covers, shivering when the cold air touched her skin. Then followed him into the bathroom, cursing that Severide stubbornness.

Xxx

"Severide, what the hell you're doing in there?!" Boden's voice boomed when he jumped out of his truck, taking just two seconds to assess the situation…and not liking it at all. Truck pulled over, Matt joining Chief in front of the…the old Chinese souvenir shop. Or was is just a run-down…room, a minivan now halfway through the structure, the right half of the room's heavy, metal roof resting on top of the car, the creaking sound coming from there indicating it was going to go any second, burying alive anyone still there…the minivan was empty, Tony had managed to pull out the idiot driving it…but inside the shop were the fifty-something year old owner and his granddaughter…plus the Squad's lieutenant, now crawling under the metal debris, the only thing stopping it from crushing him in half – two thick dragoon colonies made out of stone, now leaning on their sides, but still strong enough to stop the roof from meeting the floor…yet. Kelly finally spotted the little girl…then heard a cracking sound, followed by Chief's yelling and Matt barking orders.

"Told you to assess the scene, not go on a suicide mission!" Boden opened and closed his arms, his anger directed at Tony, Cruz and that Adam rookie – Capp's replacement.

"Severide's orders, Chief." Tony replied in defeat. "Went alone."

"Second time today." Cruz added, then turned to look at Casey who was shouting orders to Herrmann and Otis. Yeah, they had been on their way back from a water rescue…a water rescue done solely by their lieutenant, everyone else sticking to his rather harsh orders – no one else into the deep, muddy waters…

 _Creak…creak_. _"Help."_ A soft child's plea sounded from everyone's radios, a sign that Severide at least had the kid.

"Severide, get the hell outta there! Casey, stabilize that place!"

 _Creak…creak…_ they watched in horror as the sharp edges of the roof cut through the car's window, the metal sinking further down. Matt and Herrmann had to step back, Kelly's only escape getting tighter.

" _Ahhh…can't reach the second victim!"_

"Kelly, you don't have time!" Casey yelled before Boden could.

" _Can't tell if he's breathing.'_

"Severide! Get the hell out, or we'll be recovering three bodies today!"

Truck needed a lot of manpower to keep that exit open…a small tunnel, ending with darkness. Whoever had cleared that unstable place for a shop would have hell to pay…

Another long second passed before Kelly crawled out, pushing the small girl out. Cruz was first to grab hold of her small body, depositing her on Brett's gurney.

Kelly stopped for a moment. Maybe there was still time…that guy might still be alive.

"Out!" Boden hissed, grabbing Kelly just bellowed the elbows and pulling him out, to safety.

Severide slowly got up, one hand pressed against his chest, adjusting his helmet with the other…he turned around just in time to see the metal floor finally hit the ground…

"YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND?" Boden's angry growl brought him back to reality…the reality that he had violated half a dozen protocols in the last few hours, probably more than a dozen of Chief's rules.

"HE COULD'VE BEEN ALIVE IN THERE!"

"NO! No." Chief shook his head, teeth greeted to stop him from giving his lieutenant a piece of his mind, in front of everyone. "Pack up your truck. Meet me in the office. Am I clear, lieutenant?"

"Crystal."

"Good. All calls to Squad 3 will be re-directed until I make sure we're on the same page here."

Xxx

Kelly stormed past Conny and into Boden's empty office, ignoring her questioning look, the rest of Squad deciding to stay in the apparatus room, Truck and Chief still out. He slumped down onto a chair, his mind racing a million miles per hour…to hell with it, he wasn't risking any more lives.

He got up, stepped closer to the window, then to Boden's desk…and back to the window. Adrenalin still flooding his system…good fifteen minutes later he sank into the chair once again.

Another long forty-five minutes went by, Kelly's mind dwelling on the events from the last two rescues, before Truck and Chief finally came back. Boden crossed the firehouse in just a few big steps, stormed into his office, slammed the door shut…then opened his arms in the air, waiting to hear his lieutenant's side of the story. "If I wanted a one man team - "

"You heard Lindsay, Chief! They're after me, and Casey. Can't put any more of my men in danger!"

"Kelly - " Boden's expression softened, the reality of why his lieutenant had been acting like a damn candidate suddenly hitting him. "You cannot let fear or whatever this is control you! Not on this job."

"It's not - "

Chief raised one hand, making it clear he wasn't done yet. "Trust me, I understand. You think I'm not scared? Lost too many…friends in the past three years". He grimaced, his mind suddenly taking him back to Shay's announcement that she and the Squad's lieutenant wanted a baby, together "And I'm well aware that the whole Scott Rice ordeal hurt you, don't need the details. But you still have to work together with the people in this house. No other choice."

"I did. And now Capp's - "

"You can't put this on yourself - "

"They're after ME!" Boden was taken aback by Kelly's sudden outburst, the new adrenalin rush sending Severide to his feet, widened eyes fixed on Chief. "Dawson, Casey and ME!"

"AND WE HAVE TO TRUST VOIGHT AND LINDSAY TO END THIS!"

"Yeah…when?" Kelly rubbed his face, then fixed his eyes on the Squad's photo on the wall behind Chief's desk. "After Cruz or Tony end up in a hospital? Or worse?!"

"That's all we can do right now! Be extra careful…and wait."

Severide remained silent for a long minute, a scowl on his face, his mind dwelling on an idea. "Okay, then get a replacement lieutenant. Need to know my men are safe, Chief."

Boden sighed, then shook his head…years of experience telling him Kelly would be useless in that frame of mind. "You take another day off, that demotion thing - "

"Great! They want my badge?! They can have it, if it means people here are safe!"

Where's that new chief when you want to punch somebody, thought Boden. "No…you stay here and finish whatever paperwork you've got this shift…Stomach bug. Heard it's taken half of Twenty-three down...But Kelly, can't guarantee anything for next shift!"

Kelly Severide asking for desk duty…pathetic…

Xxx

It was just past 7am, but Kelly turned on his other side for maybe a hundredth time that night, desperately trying to get some sleep…he had dozed off around five just to hear the alarm calling all units to a multi vehicle car crash twenty minutes later…he had been out of the door in seconds, Boden stopping him in his tracks to remind him he was stuck on desk duty…five minutes later Severide had hit the sheets again, sleep – mission impossible.

Their shift was officially over, but he felt so tired that getting up and getting home was equally impossible.

A knock on the door, and he was ready to yell at whoever from the next watch was disturbing him. If Lieutenant Johnson wanted his office, he'd have to wait for a while because he certainly wasn't getting out of that bed anytime soon…no energy.

"Knock knock." Lindsay stepped inside, a small smile on her face. Matt had called her half an hour earlier to update her. Yeah, Casey had guessed correctly that if he had offered to take Kelly home, he'd have been on the losing side of Severide's anger.

Kelly shifted to the left so she could lay next to him, two heads coming in contact on the single size pillow…

"You stayed up all night." He commented, her tired eyes revealing more than words could.

"Had a briefing with Hank. They're following a lead. The two suspects make a mistake and it will give our men a good reason to have a chat with them."

"When?! After they hurt someone else is not good enough, Erin!"

She remained silent for a minute, maybe more, desperately searching for a way to stop him from building yet another barrier between him and the world…

Erin placed both hands on his cheeks, gently lifted his head and turned it so she could see straight into those blue eyes.

"It's not me I worry about, but - "

"But the people around you. I know. I get it."

"Then get off my ass!" He snapped…turned around, then rested his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Okay, no progress. Erin snorted in frustration, her expression saying she wasn't letting him stay there all day. She had vowed, to herself, that no matter how many times her fireman got close to that black hole, she would pull him back. Yeah, she would protect him, she could protect him…

Lindsay sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, then jumped to her feet and extended her arm. Kelly looked at her with arched brows as if she was crazy, but when he realized she wouldn't just give up, he grabbed her hand and she pulled him up, a smile spreading across her face.

As if her smile was contagious. Kelly giggled, then moved behind her and wrapped his hands around her, gently pulling her warm body closer to his. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on her neck, just before Erin turned around in his gasp, their lips colliding…

"I have a plan for today." Lindsay uttered when they parted, keeping the fact that the plan was to make sure he, Matt and Gabby were safe, to herself. "You get changed first. Then we visit Capp…Casey said the doctors have removed the ventilator last night. Then we help Matt and Gabby move their stuff, and we bring yours to my place. Deal?"

"Deal." Kelly nodded firmly…

Xxx

"Hey…thanks for calling Erin." Kelly blocked Matt's way to Capp's hospital room, Lindsay – a few steps ahead. "Last shift's been - "

"A bitch?"

"Yeah." Severide nodded with a scowl…rule number one – never let your fears control you, and that was exactly what he had done.

There was a long moment of silence, Matt trying to bring himself to admitting it…"I'm scared, too."

"You didn't freak out - "

"Kelly! Told you last night – it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything."

Squad's lieutenant pressed his eyes shut for a moment, Lindsay watching from a distance.

"Maybe…maybe they're right. Maybe I should accept the demotion and…I don't know, they want my badge – there must be a reason."

Casey opened his mouth and then closed it again without saying anything…he had heard about the demotion, many times, but Kelly had never even acknowledged the rumor…"No one's taking your badge. And contrarily to what Squad's training says – we're all human, every single one of us is scarred cold-blood killers want us…dead…and you've already been through more than anyone. No one blames you that you wanted to protect your men last night - "

"You weren't the one to freak out, Casey!"

"No. Cause Boden was on my ass all day – didn't have the chance. Listen, you wanna take a break, fine, but stop questioning yourself. I'd be more worried if we're acting normal."

"Don't know what normal is anymore, man…after Shay, when I got back on my feet, it was all good for what, a month? Then everything fell apart again…starting to think this is the normal in my life…and I'm - " Kelly looked up, meeting Erin's gaze who smiled back. "I'm dragging her down with me."

Not again…Matt could live with an angry Severide, with a happy Severide, with party Severide, but Kelly Severide being reduced to a terrified baby…

"You do know you pulled her out of the rabbit hole, right?" Matt glared at his friend as if it was a top level secret. "She needs you here just as much as you need her right now."

As on clue, Erin neared them from behind and wrapped her hands around Kelly's neck.

"Yeah." Kelly nodded and Matt tried to believe that conversation had led to somewhere…

"Ready? Marianne just said Capp's awake."

Severide took a deep breath, then nodded. "Ready." He muttered, all other tasks for the day – unimportant.

But somewhere at the marina a man cut a wire powering the yachts motor in two, another one making sure there wouldn't be people around at five, a third one watching from a small distance, already sure he would get out of it alive, then use that one way ticket to Panama he had bought…

Xxx

"Not…soon." Capp shook his head, grimacing at the physical pain the small movement caused…but what hurt more was the realization he wasn't going home anytime soon, probably in two weeks, maybe three…the first word he had managed to formulate after waking up had been 'work'…he had seen the look of pity two of the nurses had exchanged…and the doctor's 'let's focus on small targets'.

"They…they don't know anything yet, right?" There was just as much desperation in Kelly's voice as in Capp's, Lindsay and Matt – observing in silence, unable to do anything to help the situation. It was crystal clear the last person on Earth Capp blamed was Kelly…had never doubted his lieutenant, would never doubt him…but it was just as clear Kelly didn't think so.

"Kelly." Matt tried to interfere when Severide got up and started pacing around the small room.

"No…we'll…we'll do it together…you'll be…you'll be back on Squad in no time…we'll - "

"Kelly." Erin grabbed his hand to stop him, Capps' heart rate going up.

"He'll be back - "

"Let's get some water." She stopped him mid-sentence, then got up and directed her fire hero toward the door, Kelly too lost in his own world to protest.

Erin guided him down the corridor and into the empty men's room…

Kelly rested his hands on the sink and Lindsay ran the water…then waited, probably forever, until he finally splashed some ice cold water on his face, then looked up, at his reflection in the mirror…a ghost.

A few seconds later Matt joined them, leaned against the wall and let his eyes dart between his two friends. "Was asked to leave."

"He has to come back." Kelly uttered, still staring at his own reflection…hating his new self.

Matt stepped forward and rested one hand on his friend's back. "Fifty-one will be with him every step of the way. We'll go through drills, protocols, everything…but - "

"Don't say it."

"Have to accept it. I hate it as much as you do, and I promise you I'll do everything I can, but his lungs might still not recover enough…"

Just as Severide opened his mouth to say he wasn't going to accept it, his phone buzzed…a welcome distraction…he opened the text: 'See you at five? Is your partner coming too?'…damn, that side job.

"What is it?"

"Some guy saw us at the marina the other day. Wants me to fix his yacht today at five."

"You've never met him before?" Casey asked suspiciously…

"No…sounded pretty desperate. Asked if my partner's coming."

"You know I'd be happy to, any other day but - "

"I know." Kelly nodded. "We should go get your keys - "

Erin heard the word marina…a simple one…but as if something inside her brain clicked, years of training kicking in, to protect the man she loved…she narrowed her eyes, her mind taking her two days back, Roman's update: _"Still no idea what he's doing in a boat repair shop."_

"Son of a bitch." She uttered, attracting the attention of Matt and Kelly…

* * *

 **Got ya! xD So nope, I wasn't going to hurt Kelly after last chapter, he just needed some alone time to clear his head after he visited Capp at the hospital...and he made it home safe and sound...but of course the angsty bits are not over yet, and fear. Feel like I should say it now - nope, I don't see Kelly as a coward, but his friends are in danger and he can't lose anyone else...so to me it seems reasonable that he is scared, hope you don't hate me for this.**

 **Would love to hear your thoughts so please leave a review and thanks sooo sooo much again! :)**


	12. The beginning of the end

_**Warning:**_ _ **The story contains spoilers for season 3, 2 and 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **I do not own any of the characters, the title or plots of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD. I do not own the text taken directly from the show. This story is intended for fun only and I am not making any money with it!**_

 _ **A/N: "Italics" –**_ **memories**

* * *

 ** _Okay, I split what was supposed to be one chapter into two, shorter, so I can update. Sorry once again it's taking so long (already explained why), and Thanks so much for still sticking with this story!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

 **The beginning of the end**

"You serious?" Kelly muttered as Erin pushed him down on her desk chair at the precinct, still struggling to understand the whole theory about the mysterious client…

Matt slumped down on Antonio's chair, then buried his head in his hands…Ruzek and Olinsky shot him a sympathetic look, but he couldn't care less…it suddenly felt more real, if it was possible…what if Kelly had gone to the meeting? What if they both had gone? He couldn't block the memories that flooded his mind…

 _xxx_

 _Casey felt a sudden rush of adrenaline…Fight for your life…and Gabby's face flashed in front of his eyes…all he had ever wanted – a family…he couldn't leave this world without having had one…Fight for your life…_

 _Matt twisted his upper body to the left escaping Oleg's grip, his right hand grabbing the Russian's. "SEV!" He yelled, too weak to win the battle…but Kelly was unresponsive, lost somewhere in the darkness…he had to get that gun from Oleg…_

" _Let…go!" Oleg's elbow connected with Casey's jaw, but the lieutenant just ignored the sharp pain, swallowing the blood flooding his mouth…he reached for the gun, but the Russian was quick enough to lift his hand, Matt's fingers landing on the lighter in Oleg's other hand…_

 _Laughter filled in the small room…Oleg's laughter. "You want it?" He removed the lighter's lid, then pressed the small button, igniting it…"Catch!" He snarled, tossing the lighter in Casey's direction…_

 _But this time Casey wasn't fast enough…and it landed on a puddle of gasoline…he couldn't stop the flames…flames that engulfed the room, ruining Oleg's otherwise perfect plan…_

 _Xxx_

"Okay okay." Olinsky spoke, an idea growing in his mind…an idea he knew Erin would not like. "At least now we know what their next move is going to be."

"Then go get them!" Kelly hissed through clenched teeth, then rubbed his tired eyes with one hand, Lindsay keeping a firm hold of the other.

"We can't." Ruzek replied from behind his desk. "We've got nothing on them."

"What do you mean - "

The distinctive sound of skype ringing cut Matt off, Antonio's face flashing on Erin's computer. She forced herself to let go of her hero's hand and reached for the mouse, then turned the display around just in time for everyone to see Voight, Jay and Dawson appear on the screen.

" _Casey, you okay?" Antonio spoke first, disturbed by the expression on his future niece's father's face._

"Yeah…yeah."

"What's up, Hank?" Erin pressed.

" _We've located Oleg. Left Sofia yesterday under an alias. The Bulgarian police thinks he's headed east toward the Turkish border. Once outside the EU it's gonna be a nightmare to find him again."_

"How?"

" _Looks like Sergeant Bonev has a lot in common with our own Hank Voight." Jay smirked, having witnessed the interrogation of a member of the Bulgarian group…a low-in-the-hierarchy, but quite scarred guy, with three teenagers living in a tiny apartment. "Gave us enough information in exchange of a one way ticket for him and his family to any developed country."_

"That easy?"

" _Things are different over here, Kelly."_

"Then get that piece of shit!" Severide shouted, sitting up straight in his chair. "Or just put a bullet through his head and…no one will miss him!"

" _We're heading to the border in an hour. Will block his way - "_

"Make sure he doesn't come back here." Lindsay hissed.

" _Copy that." Jay smiled before sinking back into his bed, clearly exhausted._

" _What've you got?"_ _Voight shot Olinsky a suspicious look._

"A plan." The detective shrugged, attracting Erin's full attention. It took him five minutes to bring the three men up to speed and reveal his idea, Kelly just cursing his naivety…usually he was more careful with his clients, did jobs for people he already knew, not for money, just to feel useful, to use the time between shift someway more productive because after Shay what else could he do…

"Let me stop you right here - " Erin raised her voice, but Kelly gently squeezing her hand was her clue to stop…that was a battle he had to win, soon, and if Olinsky knew how…."

"I'll go." The Squad's Lieutenant barked, locking his fingers around Erin's even tighter…yeah, it was the right the thing to do, the only way to bring it to an end and maybe, maybe get one more shot at fixing his life.

"The hell you will." She muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear it….

"You need evidence? I'll…I'll get you evidence." Well, he had no idea how…couldn't be that hard, right?

"No…you're not trained, you - "

"You'll be there, right?"

"We'll be there." Olinsky nodded. "We'll be there, and the moment we've got enough, we'll act."

"And I'll be there, too." Matt spoke for the first time in the past ten minutes, his tone leaving no room for negotiations.

"No." Kelly shook his head, meeting Casey's eyes. "You've got the new place to sort out, Gabby, a baby - "

"They asked for your partner."

"Gabby - "

"Will understand."

They remained silent for a long moment, Kelly's gaze fixed upon the wall…he had once told Shay he didn't trust anyone else in that world other than her….maybe it was the time to start…for Shay, for Erin and Matt, for himself and for the chance to live life again. Live life and be with the beautiful detective, help Capp get back on Squad, fix the broken relationships in his life…yeah, it was worth a try.

"You think it's gonna work?" Kelly's eyes shifted to the left, meeting Voight's…yeah, he had to trust even Hank Voight.

" _Yeah."_ Voight nodded…he wasn't the only one to notice the pure fear in Erin's eyes, Kelly saw it, too. But maybe that was the final step she had to take to full recovery…yes, Hank knew she was more than capable of protecting the two firemen. And they had Oleg to catch. _"No wires. Tell Mouse to find you something else that records!"_

Xxx

"Hey." Kelly gently squeezed Erin's wrist as Casey headed for his truck, Olinsky and Ruzek – already in their car, ready to head to the marina.

Lindsay froze, her eyes pointing the ground of the parking lot of the district…Kelly's gaze followed the single tear that fell on her cheek and rolled all the way down her neck, finally getting absorbed by the soft material of her shirt.

He pushed his own emotions aside. Then placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her head until their eyes met…he was first to take a breath, his mind trying to formulate a sentence. He had to tell her…

"It…it ends today." Kelly whispered, his tone….

"You really believe that?" She whispered back, the softness gone from her husky voice.

No. "Yeah." He nodded firmly, his fingers gently stroking her soft cheek. "You'll be there, right?!"

"Of course - "

"Then I'll be fine."

"Kelly if - "

"Everything's going to be fine! I've seen you use this before." He chuckled, resting his hand on the gun secured to her collar. "Scary." He added just before the corners of Erin's mouth formed a small smile…that beautiful smile.

"They touch you - "

"They'll be on the losing end of my fist!"

"I've seen you use it before…" Lindsay uttered, enveloping his balled-up fist in her hand. "Please be careful."

"I've got too much to lose now." He leaned in closer, their lips meeting. The kiss was all she needed…

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. My…our life, together. I picture - "

"You coming?" Ruzek's voice ruined the moment…a moment they hoped they'd continue soon.

Xxx

"Ready?" An anxious Casey fixed his gaze upon Kelly's still figure, his truck now parked at the marina…just like they had done the last time. He narrowed his eyes, examining his friend's absent look, and rested his fingers on the top button of his shirt, then tried to twist it, adjust it...it was a tiny camera, state of the art according to Mouse. Kelly had one, too. Voice recording, video transmitting...they were once again forced to rely on technology...

Severide pressed his eyes shut, trying to stop the sudden pounding in his head. " _Do it!" The gun in Matt's hand exploded…_

"Kelly!"

" _Kelly!" Erin yelled in desperation, then raised her gun and pointed it to her head…_

"Kelly!" Matt raised his voice bringing the Squad's lieutenant back to reality. "You okay?"

"No. Won't be until this is over."

"Yeah…me too." The blonde lieutenant mumbled in response. "Barbecue at my place when we're done here?"

"Who's bringing the beer?"

"Cheapass." Matt chuckled.

"Steak's on me." Kelly shrugged, pushing the door open.

"That's better." Casey followed his friend, letting his lung take in the warm summer air. "Might need something stronger."

"You still have that 30-year-old whiskey?"

"Steak and whiskey…like the sound of that."

No more words were necessarily. Matt locked his truck and followed Kelly, both anxious to finally face the Bulgarians…

Meanwhile Erin sat in Ruzek's lap on the bench not far from the meeting point, ice-cream in their hands…a few steps away, Olinsky yelled to his wife over the phone. Burgess and Roman walked past with their Yorkshire terrier…other patrols covering the whole area…

* * *

 **Ooops our boys will soon face those monsters, how will it go?! Hmmm, maybe Erin was right, maybe they shouldn't have gone...but at least they're together, and you know, they have to have that barbecue in the end. And Linseride have a "moment" to continue...I hope you liked this shorter update. Three more to go... Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and please let me know what you think :)**


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